(This post continues the story from Tackling The Mental Health Minefield Part 6 - Throwing The Christian To The Lions)
In one of the earlier posts in this series (Part 2 - The Admission Process) I wrote about many of my possessions being taken away when I was admitted to hospital. One of these was my GTN spray, which is prescribed for me because I have Prinzmetal's angina. Prinzmetal's is also known as variant angina and is relatively rare in comparison to the other forms of angina. The pain is caused by one of the arteries in the heart going into spasm, and can occur at any time, even when at rest, and is not caused by exercise and a cardiac stress test cannot be used to diagnose it. I had suffered from its symptoms for a number of years before it was diagnosed and since then daily medication has kept it pretty much under control although I do still have occasional attacks and I always carry a GTN spray to reduce the pain. No matter how hard I argued with the nurse that I should keep the GTN spray, he would not accept that and I was told that if I had an attack that I was to go to a nurse who would get my GTN spray out of the drugs cupboard in the Clinic Room.
I had been in hospital about six days when, early in the evening, I had an angina attack. I was in the communal/dining area, so I walked calmly to the office at the end of the corridor and having knocked on the door and it been answered I explained that I was having an angina attack. The nurse who had answered the door immediately picked up the keys for the Clinic Room and for the drugs cupboard and ran to open up while I calmly walked to meet her. By the time that I got into the Clinic Room she had my GTN spray out of the cupboard and ready for me to use. After taking the usual two puffs under the tongue I sat down on the chair for a couple of minutes to make sure that the GTN spray was doing its work. One of the side-effects of the spray is that it can cause one to become light-headed or occasionally very dizzy, so it is always advisable to sit down for a few minutes after using it.
After about five minutes I was feeling much better and the pain had gone so I went back to the communal area to rejoin the three patients that I had been sitting with. Sometimes after having the angina pain I have a repeat attack about an hour or so later and that is exactly what happened on this occasion. This time one of the other patients went to the office to call a member of staff and the process was repeated. After the second attack, I went to my room and laid down for a while. I was fine, and the next day things were back to normal.
A couple of days later I was moved to my permanent ward and before I left the Admissions Ward I had to make sure that my GTN spray was removed from the drugs cupboard and made the move with me. Once again during the admission process to the new ward I asked that I be allowed to keep the GTN spray with me. Once again the answer was no, but to make matters worse the nurse had to ask what it was for.
Life on the ward continued with no further attacks until the day that I was supposed to be having a couple of hours home leave. This was the occasion when I had an argument with the staff about what my consultant had said about me having home leave (see Tackling The Mental Health Minefield Part 6 - Throwing The Christian To The Lions). I'm not sure that it was the argument with the staff that caused me to have an angina attack, or whether it was just one of those coincidences that happen occasionally.
After lunch I was sitting quietly in my room doing a crossword puzzle when an angina attack started. My room was just a matter of yards from the ward office so I made my way there, knocked on the door, and the nurse who was in there answered the door and I told her I was having an angina attack and that I needed my GTN spray. The clinic room with the drugs trolley was next door to the office, but the nurse headed off along the corridor towards the communal area rather than going to the clinic room. When I shouted at her that I needed the spray immediately, she said that she needed to find another nurse because there had to be two of them to dispense drugs. I'm afraid at this point I really lost my temper and shouted so loudly that patients and staff came running from all directions.
At this point the nurse decided that perhaps she had better get the spray for me so I followed her into the clinic and waited while she fumbled with the keys to the drugs trolley. Then there was the problem that she didn't know what she was looking for, so I just snatched it from the trolley myself and sprayed twice under my tongue. I sat down on the chair which was used by the patients when obs were being done, laid back and closed my eyes for a few seconds while I waited for the GTN to take effect. Of course there was rather a large audience for what followed and the nurse was still more interested in finding a second nurse than in ensuring that I was okay.
The ward SHO had heard all the noise and came out of her office to see what was happening. Seeing everyone standing around the clinic doorway at a time when no medication would normally be dispensed alerted her that something untoward may have occurred and that she may be needed so made her way along the corridor (I was told about this later by one of the other patients). The SHO came into the clinic and asked what had happened and the nurse said that I had come to the office complaining of chest pains and that she had tried to find another nurse so that they could get my GTN spray together. The doctor was appalled, and proceeded to ask the nurse whether she would have gone looking for another nurse if she had found me lying in the corridor and not breathing. It being a question which did not need an answer, the doctor continued by saying that in the event of something like this happening then the nurse should ignore normal procedures and give an angina patient their GTN spray immediately.
While this was going on, I was just sitting in the chair waiting for the pains to stop. After about 10 minutes, with me still experiencing pain and being monitored by the doctor, it became necessary for me to use the spray again. This time it seemed to do the trick because a few minutes later I was feeling much better and was able to stand and walk back to my room after having had the spray again locked up in the drugs trolley. The SHO came to see me about half an hour later and asked me to go along to her room so that she could carry out an ECG. this turned out to be another farce. First of all, the ECG machine belonging to the ward was not working so one had to be borrowed from another ward. One this had been procured I climbed onto the examination couch and the doctor proceeded to attach the sticky pads to my body and the various leads to the sticky pads. It was a bit like watching someone trying to put together a piece of flat-pack furniture. The doctor stood there with the instruction manual in one had and was attaching everything with the other hand. Every time she attached a lead, one of the sticky pads on another part of my anatomy would come unstuck. Eventually she managed to get all 12 pads attached to my body and all 12 leads attached to the pads. Then she pressed the 'Go' button on the ECG machine ...... and nothing happened. After about half a dozen attempts she decided that it was all far too difficult for her and decided that I seemed to be recovering quite well and the ECG could wait.
The decision was made that because of the angina attack I should not go home on leave that day and the situation would be reviewed in the morning. I asked that I be allowed to keep my GTN spray with me and the doctor agreed, but the nurse wanted it written on my medical records and as the doctor failed to do this she would not give it back to me.
The next day arrangements were made for me to have an ECG in the main hospital, the grounds of which the mental hospital was sited. The ECG was done immediately and I went back to the ward to collect my belongings and my medication so that I could go on my overnight home leave. Although this leave was for one night only I was required to take all of my belongings with me. As I said earlier in this series of posts, and in a post at the time, the home leave was not a success. I didn't sleep at all that night and when I reported back to the ward at lunchtime it was to find that someone had been put into the room that I had been occupying.
At ward round that afternoon it was decided that I was not fit to be discharged and that I was to stay in the hospital. At the same time, the consultant said that I was to retain my GTN spray so that I could administer it myself immediately if I needed to and asked only that I inform the staff that I had used it. I had two further attacks while I was an inpatient, both of which I was able to control immediately because I had my spray.
What the episode of the GTN spray taught me was that you really don't want to be in a mental hospital if you also have a non-mental illness. I would hate to be an asthmatic having a serious attack, or someone having a heart attack, in a mental hospital because if it were staffed with nurses of the calibre of the one who I had the misfortune to encounter, your chances of surviving the attack could be severely compromised.
To be continued.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Friday, 8 January 2010
Staying In
I didn't sleep very well last night. It was about 2am when I eventually fell asleep and then I kept waking up because of the pain in my knee.
After my little mishaps yesterday when I managed to thump my right knee against the cold hard ground twice, it is swollen and severely bruised. I'm not surprised about the bruising because I take aspirin daily and I have always bruised easily.
I was supposed to be picking up my parcels today and then going to meet Lily (Student Doctor Diaries) for tea this afternoon. At about 9.30am, after limping around the house for a while and managing to bang my knee three times on different pieces of furniture (yes, I am clumsy) I decided to phone her and suggest that we postpone today's meeting as I really didn't fancy trying to walk to the bus stop along the pavements that I had fallen onto twice yesterday.
When Lily answered her phone there was a very hoarse little voice talking to me. Poor Lily had woken up this morning and found that she had lost her voice. My suggestion that we postpone our meeting was greeted with some relief on her part, I believe.
So my opportunity to see her engagement ring and to talk to her about her wedding plans has been put on hold for the time being. However, we will probably manage a meeting either next week or the week after, so I can catch up on all her news then.
After phoning Lily I suddenly came over very tired so I decided that as I wasn't going to go outside today, there was no reason why I couldn't go back to bed for a while. And that is what I did. When I woke up about four hours later I felt a bit better and so I have spent the rest of this afternoon trying to do a bit of studying. I didn't do as much as I had hoped, but at least I have broken the back of the stuff that I still have to read before I settle down to write my 1500-word short story.
This evening, I am going to get out my knitting and try to do a few rows of my lace shawl. When I did some the other day I actually managed to complete 8 rows, which was about 6 rows more than I thought I would do. I have just eaten my evening meal so once this post is published I can get myself comfortable and with a knitted afghan over my knees and another round my shoulders, armed with a bar of chocolate, I shall seat myself in front of the television and see what I can manage tonight. I should finish the pattern block that I am working on at the moment and then do the 4-row divider before starting the next pattern block. This shawl is a bit like a sampler would be in embroidery; it is composed of a number of different lace patterns worked up to the centre of the shawl and they are then worked in reverse for the second half of the shawl. With a bit of luck it should be finished in time for next winter.
After my little mishaps yesterday when I managed to thump my right knee against the cold hard ground twice, it is swollen and severely bruised. I'm not surprised about the bruising because I take aspirin daily and I have always bruised easily.
I was supposed to be picking up my parcels today and then going to meet Lily (Student Doctor Diaries) for tea this afternoon. At about 9.30am, after limping around the house for a while and managing to bang my knee three times on different pieces of furniture (yes, I am clumsy) I decided to phone her and suggest that we postpone today's meeting as I really didn't fancy trying to walk to the bus stop along the pavements that I had fallen onto twice yesterday.
When Lily answered her phone there was a very hoarse little voice talking to me. Poor Lily had woken up this morning and found that she had lost her voice. My suggestion that we postpone our meeting was greeted with some relief on her part, I believe.
So my opportunity to see her engagement ring and to talk to her about her wedding plans has been put on hold for the time being. However, we will probably manage a meeting either next week or the week after, so I can catch up on all her news then.
After phoning Lily I suddenly came over very tired so I decided that as I wasn't going to go outside today, there was no reason why I couldn't go back to bed for a while. And that is what I did. When I woke up about four hours later I felt a bit better and so I have spent the rest of this afternoon trying to do a bit of studying. I didn't do as much as I had hoped, but at least I have broken the back of the stuff that I still have to read before I settle down to write my 1500-word short story.
This evening, I am going to get out my knitting and try to do a few rows of my lace shawl. When I did some the other day I actually managed to complete 8 rows, which was about 6 rows more than I thought I would do. I have just eaten my evening meal so once this post is published I can get myself comfortable and with a knitted afghan over my knees and another round my shoulders, armed with a bar of chocolate, I shall seat myself in front of the television and see what I can manage tonight. I should finish the pattern block that I am working on at the moment and then do the 4-row divider before starting the next pattern block. This shawl is a bit like a sampler would be in embroidery; it is composed of a number of different lace patterns worked up to the centre of the shawl and they are then worked in reverse for the second half of the shawl. With a bit of luck it should be finished in time for next winter.
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Slipping And Sliding
I had to venture out of the house this morning. There were the parcels to collect and I was in dire need of certain necessities. I wrapped up well in multiple layers of clothes, put on my sheepskin lined boots, a hat on my head and gloves on my hands, and armed with a shopping bag and my walking stick (I'm having problems with my hip again at the moment).
I left via the back door (it's the one I use most) and marched across the snow-covered lawn. Actually, it was a bit more of a shuffle that a march. It only took me the few yards to get to the pavement to change my mind about picking up the parcels, but the shopping was absolutely necessary so I continued on my way to our local Tesco Express.
The pavement of the first road that I had to walk along was still fairly well covered with powdery snow so there were no real problems. I turned the corner and things became a lot more scary. Where the pavements had been well-trodden they were very slippery but there was some soft snow at the edges so I tried to stick to them as much as possible. I managed to get along this road without any mishaps and then I turned into the road where the Tesco Express is located. There had been much more pedestrian activity here so it was almost like walking on clear pavements.
Once in the shop it was apparent that they have not had deliveries of certain basics such as milk, although there was a good selection of bread. But this didn't cause me too much of a problem. I did need some milk and there was sufficient for me to be able to get some, but it was in one pint containers rather than the larger size that I wanted. I also managed to get a couple of tins of soup, and the loo roll that was an absolute necessity.
On leaving the shop |I made my way down the road and then turned the corner. I knew that it was going to be much more difficult to get home without a mishap because I was now carrying a full shopping bag rather than the empty one that I set out with. I was right to be concerned for I managed to slip over twice.
The first time wasn't too bad because I felt myself slipping and I managed to catch hold of the railing running along some one's front garden. Even so, I went down on one knee and gave myself a bit of a shock. I was helped up by a young lady who made sure that I was alright. I slipped for a second time about 30 yards further on. This time it was a full-blown slip with me falling face down to the ground. I banged my already bruised knee hard as I fell and felt my chin and nose make contact with the icy ground. This time I was not so quick to raise myself because it the fall had really shocked me. Fortunately, two ladies were walking along the other side of the road and saw me fall and came to my rescue. They helped me up and made sure that I was okay. I thanked them both and warned them that both pavements along this road were very slippery.
I only had a few more yards to walk before I turned into the road that leads to my house. By trying to walk in untrodden snow as much as possible I managed to make it home without further mishap.
The shopping is now unpacked and put away, and I am consoling myself with a bar of chocolate. I'm hoping that it will take my mind off the painful knee as I wrap myself up warmly under a blanket and watch a DVD for a while before settling back down to my studying.
I left via the back door (it's the one I use most) and marched across the snow-covered lawn. Actually, it was a bit more of a shuffle that a march. It only took me the few yards to get to the pavement to change my mind about picking up the parcels, but the shopping was absolutely necessary so I continued on my way to our local Tesco Express.
The pavement of the first road that I had to walk along was still fairly well covered with powdery snow so there were no real problems. I turned the corner and things became a lot more scary. Where the pavements had been well-trodden they were very slippery but there was some soft snow at the edges so I tried to stick to them as much as possible. I managed to get along this road without any mishaps and then I turned into the road where the Tesco Express is located. There had been much more pedestrian activity here so it was almost like walking on clear pavements.
Once in the shop it was apparent that they have not had deliveries of certain basics such as milk, although there was a good selection of bread. But this didn't cause me too much of a problem. I did need some milk and there was sufficient for me to be able to get some, but it was in one pint containers rather than the larger size that I wanted. I also managed to get a couple of tins of soup, and the loo roll that was an absolute necessity.
On leaving the shop |I made my way down the road and then turned the corner. I knew that it was going to be much more difficult to get home without a mishap because I was now carrying a full shopping bag rather than the empty one that I set out with. I was right to be concerned for I managed to slip over twice.
The first time wasn't too bad because I felt myself slipping and I managed to catch hold of the railing running along some one's front garden. Even so, I went down on one knee and gave myself a bit of a shock. I was helped up by a young lady who made sure that I was alright. I slipped for a second time about 30 yards further on. This time it was a full-blown slip with me falling face down to the ground. I banged my already bruised knee hard as I fell and felt my chin and nose make contact with the icy ground. This time I was not so quick to raise myself because it the fall had really shocked me. Fortunately, two ladies were walking along the other side of the road and saw me fall and came to my rescue. They helped me up and made sure that I was okay. I thanked them both and warned them that both pavements along this road were very slippery.
I only had a few more yards to walk before I turned into the road that leads to my house. By trying to walk in untrodden snow as much as possible I managed to make it home without further mishap.
The shopping is now unpacked and put away, and I am consoling myself with a bar of chocolate. I'm hoping that it will take my mind off the painful knee as I wrap myself up warmly under a blanket and watch a DVD for a while before settling back down to my studying.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Procrastonation Rules
Despite having taken my night-time medication, including something to help me sleep, at about 10pm yesterday evening, it was well past 2am before I got to sleep. I woke at about 7am to answer a call of nature, then climbed back into my nice warm bed and instantly fell asleep again. Sleep is always the first thing that suffers when I am depressed but I am reluctant to use the sleep medication too often because of all the other medication that I have take.
Having had extra sleep I feel a little better than I have done for a few days. But by the time I had roused myself and got dressed it was past midday, and it was snowing, so the parcels have not been picked up. However, another day in the sorting office won't hurt.
I should be doing some studying and getting myself in the frame of mind to try to write a 1500-word story for my final assignment of the course that I am working on. I still have 10 days in which to do the work but I would like to get it completed early if at all possible. Fifteen hundred words is not a lot really. Many of my posts on this blog are at least that length, but for them I can write whatever I feel like saying at the time. Having to write a piece of fiction, including at least one of a number of items, is a little more difficult.
Procrastination has set in and I really can't be bothered to pick up the folder that contains the course material and sit down to read the sections that I have not yet looked at. Perhaps I will feel a little more like doing that later this afternoon or this evening, and I am not yet working myself up into a frenzy about it.
I feel that it is more important that I am comfortable with sitting down to several hours reading than forcing myself to do something that I am just not in the mood to do. So, while I may be procrastinating I am also thinking about my wellbeing and trying to ensure that I do nothing to make me feel lower than I do already. I have other things that I can do to occupy myself. I need to write a letter to Mr Smiley, and I have my knitting too.
I am sure that I can leave the studying until tomorrow, for as Scarlett O'Hara says, "Tomorrow is another day."
Having had extra sleep I feel a little better than I have done for a few days. But by the time I had roused myself and got dressed it was past midday, and it was snowing, so the parcels have not been picked up. However, another day in the sorting office won't hurt.
I should be doing some studying and getting myself in the frame of mind to try to write a 1500-word story for my final assignment of the course that I am working on. I still have 10 days in which to do the work but I would like to get it completed early if at all possible. Fifteen hundred words is not a lot really. Many of my posts on this blog are at least that length, but for them I can write whatever I feel like saying at the time. Having to write a piece of fiction, including at least one of a number of items, is a little more difficult.
Procrastination has set in and I really can't be bothered to pick up the folder that contains the course material and sit down to read the sections that I have not yet looked at. Perhaps I will feel a little more like doing that later this afternoon or this evening, and I am not yet working myself up into a frenzy about it.
I feel that it is more important that I am comfortable with sitting down to several hours reading than forcing myself to do something that I am just not in the mood to do. So, while I may be procrastinating I am also thinking about my wellbeing and trying to ensure that I do nothing to make me feel lower than I do already. I have other things that I can do to occupy myself. I need to write a letter to Mr Smiley, and I have my knitting too.
I am sure that I can leave the studying until tomorrow, for as Scarlett O'Hara says, "Tomorrow is another day."
It's Snowing in South-East London! Will The Capital Come To A Standstill?
Well, it looks as though I won't be going to collect my parcels in the morning. I've been lying in bed watching television and through my open bedroom door I can see through a long frosted-glass window at the top of the stairs and about half an hour ago I noticed it was snowing. I have just opened the window and we have about an inch of snow at the moment, but I am sure that it will carry on snowing through the night.
Fortunately I stocked up with most of my immediate needs when I did some shopping on the way home from seeing the HTT yesterday morning, so I should be alright for at least a day, but if it is a lot of snow I will have to venture out on Thursday to get bread and milk.
The snow has started to come down heavier since I started typing this post, so it looks as though we are in for a fair bit of snow tonight. I have to guess that there will be trouble with public transport in the morning, so it is as well that my two appointments this week relating to my mental health have already taken place.
Fortunately I stocked up with most of my immediate needs when I did some shopping on the way home from seeing the HTT yesterday morning, so I should be alright for at least a day, but if it is a lot of snow I will have to venture out on Thursday to get bread and milk.
The snow has started to come down heavier since I started typing this post, so it looks as though we are in for a fair bit of snow tonight. I have to guess that there will be trouble with public transport in the morning, so it is as well that my two appointments this week relating to my mental health have already taken place.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Another Cold Day
I'll start by saying that I really don't like the cold. Actually, it's the cold here in the UK that I don't like. As I sit here writing this, we in London have not had the heavy snowfall that has occurred in other parts of the country. Yet. Snow is forecast for tonight but whether we will get much remains to be seen. I hope we don't because I have to go to the local sorting office tomorrow morning to pick up a couple of parcels.
Today the temperature has barely managed to get above freezing, but it is the fact that we have a very moist atmosphere that always seems to make it feel so much colder. I have, in the past, spent some time in Bardufoss, in northern Norway, during the winter period.
Bardufoss is about 100 miles north of the Arctic Circle and has prodigious amounts of snow each winter. I can clearly remember the first time that I went there. It was in February 1988 and I was still in the RAF at that time. We went to this part of Norway to take part in major NATO exercises that were held each year. I remember stepping out of the back of the Hercules onto a taxiway that was ice covered and snow was heaped in mounds about 10 feet high. As I breathed in for the first time, I felt all the hairs and the moisture in my nose instantly freeze up. the temperature was -19 degrees Celsius, and this was the middle of a sunny day. The coldest temperature that I ever experienced up there was -37 degrees Celsius, and I can tell you that is pretty cold.
Although these were much colder temperatures than we are experiencing at the moment, I never really felt cold when I was there. Admittedly I was issued with Arctic thermal underwear but I would often spend time outside without a coat on. The atmosphere was always dry and this meant that although it was cold, very cold in fact, it never seemed to feel as cold as it does here.
One of the best things about being in that part of the world at that time of year was seeing the Aurora Borealis. This natural light show in the sky has to be seen to be believed. Seeing it on television or in the cinema really does not show it in its true magnificence. Sometimes it is just curtains of white light that move across the sky at speed, but the best displays are when you see the Borealis in greens, reds and yellows. It really is breathtaking to see.
So, I will continue to dress myself in multiple layers while this cold spell continues. And maybe remember what it was like to look up into the night sky and see those multicoloured curtains of light dancing all around me.
Today the temperature has barely managed to get above freezing, but it is the fact that we have a very moist atmosphere that always seems to make it feel so much colder. I have, in the past, spent some time in Bardufoss, in northern Norway, during the winter period.
Bardufoss is about 100 miles north of the Arctic Circle and has prodigious amounts of snow each winter. I can clearly remember the first time that I went there. It was in February 1988 and I was still in the RAF at that time. We went to this part of Norway to take part in major NATO exercises that were held each year. I remember stepping out of the back of the Hercules onto a taxiway that was ice covered and snow was heaped in mounds about 10 feet high. As I breathed in for the first time, I felt all the hairs and the moisture in my nose instantly freeze up. the temperature was -19 degrees Celsius, and this was the middle of a sunny day. The coldest temperature that I ever experienced up there was -37 degrees Celsius, and I can tell you that is pretty cold.
Although these were much colder temperatures than we are experiencing at the moment, I never really felt cold when I was there. Admittedly I was issued with Arctic thermal underwear but I would often spend time outside without a coat on. The atmosphere was always dry and this meant that although it was cold, very cold in fact, it never seemed to feel as cold as it does here.
One of the best things about being in that part of the world at that time of year was seeing the Aurora Borealis. This natural light show in the sky has to be seen to be believed. Seeing it on television or in the cinema really does not show it in its true magnificence. Sometimes it is just curtains of white light that move across the sky at speed, but the best displays are when you see the Borealis in greens, reds and yellows. It really is breathtaking to see.
So, I will continue to dress myself in multiple layers while this cold spell continues. And maybe remember what it was like to look up into the night sky and see those multicoloured curtains of light dancing all around me.
Monday, 4 January 2010
Just Before I Go To Bed
I managed about one hour of sleep last night. Actually it was this morning between 5 o'clock until just after 6 o'clock. I left home and stepped out into the freezing cold, but I had made sure that I was well wrapped up. Standing at the bus stop for 10 minutes was no fun, but once on the bus I knew that I had only a few stops before I had to get off again because I wanted to call into the shop where I get some of my knitting supplies because I needed to get some double-pointed needles.
This entailed another five minutes in the cold while I waited for the shop to open; when it did I made a bee-line for where they hang the knitting needles and found what I wanted immediately. I paid for them, stashed them away in my handbag and went out of the shop to wait at the bus stop for another bus. Fortunately the bus stop is almost outside the shop so I didn't have to walk far and luckily my bus came within a couple of minutes. I have to get two buses to get to the buildings that house the CMHT, and when I got off the bus to make the change, where I normally have to wait about 10 minutes this morning the wait was less than one minute. I couldn't believe my luck.
It was quieter on the roads this morning than I had expected it to be. It seems as though some people must be taking a few more days off work, so this journey, which usually takes me something like an hour and a half from home to the CMHT buildings, was completed in less than an hour and that included the time that I spent in the shop buying the knitting needles.
I had a long chat with one of the HTT; usually I'm with whoever sees me for about 20 minutes, this morning it was something like 50 minutes. After having signed out of the building, I walked down the road to the bus stop and I only had to wait for a couple of minutes before a bus arrived. When we got to where I have to change buses, I didn't have to wait at all. I literally stepped off the first bus, walked to its rear and climbed on the bus that would take me the rest of the way home.
I did try to have a nap this afternoon; I was in desperate need of sleep, but it didn't happen. So I have got myself ready for bed, and as soon as I have finished this post I will take my night-time meds and snuggle under the duvet, perhaps trying to read for a while and hopefully drop off to sleep reasonably quickly. I'm yawning as I type this, so I am fairly optimistic that sleep will come fairly easily tonight.
I would like to have a lie-in tomorrow morning, but that won't be happening. I have to get myself up fairly early because tomorrow is psychotherapy day. I have some library books which need to be returned so I shall do that after I have been for therapy. I also need to sit myself down to write a letter to Mr Smiley, and the library might just be the perfect place to do this.
When I get home tomorrow I must settle down to do some studying. I need to read the rest of the course material and then start working on my final assignment. I am hoping that I can get the assignment finished over the weekend, which will mean that I can submit it well before the cut-off date. I'm thinking of doing another short course if I can find something that interests me, so that I keep myself in a frame of mind to take a long course come the autumn.
Just before I head for my bed, I would like to thank everyone for the comments that have arrived over the last few days. It really does mean a lot to me that there are so many of you out in the blogosphere wishing me well and sending virtual hugs.
This entailed another five minutes in the cold while I waited for the shop to open; when it did I made a bee-line for where they hang the knitting needles and found what I wanted immediately. I paid for them, stashed them away in my handbag and went out of the shop to wait at the bus stop for another bus. Fortunately the bus stop is almost outside the shop so I didn't have to walk far and luckily my bus came within a couple of minutes. I have to get two buses to get to the buildings that house the CMHT, and when I got off the bus to make the change, where I normally have to wait about 10 minutes this morning the wait was less than one minute. I couldn't believe my luck.
It was quieter on the roads this morning than I had expected it to be. It seems as though some people must be taking a few more days off work, so this journey, which usually takes me something like an hour and a half from home to the CMHT buildings, was completed in less than an hour and that included the time that I spent in the shop buying the knitting needles.
I had a long chat with one of the HTT; usually I'm with whoever sees me for about 20 minutes, this morning it was something like 50 minutes. After having signed out of the building, I walked down the road to the bus stop and I only had to wait for a couple of minutes before a bus arrived. When we got to where I have to change buses, I didn't have to wait at all. I literally stepped off the first bus, walked to its rear and climbed on the bus that would take me the rest of the way home.
I did try to have a nap this afternoon; I was in desperate need of sleep, but it didn't happen. So I have got myself ready for bed, and as soon as I have finished this post I will take my night-time meds and snuggle under the duvet, perhaps trying to read for a while and hopefully drop off to sleep reasonably quickly. I'm yawning as I type this, so I am fairly optimistic that sleep will come fairly easily tonight.
I would like to have a lie-in tomorrow morning, but that won't be happening. I have to get myself up fairly early because tomorrow is psychotherapy day. I have some library books which need to be returned so I shall do that after I have been for therapy. I also need to sit myself down to write a letter to Mr Smiley, and the library might just be the perfect place to do this.
When I get home tomorrow I must settle down to do some studying. I need to read the rest of the course material and then start working on my final assignment. I am hoping that I can get the assignment finished over the weekend, which will mean that I can submit it well before the cut-off date. I'm thinking of doing another short course if I can find something that interests me, so that I keep myself in a frame of mind to take a long course come the autumn.
Just before I head for my bed, I would like to thank everyone for the comments that have arrived over the last few days. It really does mean a lot to me that there are so many of you out in the blogosphere wishing me well and sending virtual hugs.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
A Low Sunday
I can't say that I am feeling brilliant at the moment, in fact I am close to crying much of the time. But for some reason I have just picked up some knitting and I am seriously considering doing a row or two before I go to bed tonight. It will only be a row or two because it is one of my lace shawls that I have decided to have a go at. I haven't done anything to it since before I went into hospital so it is going to seem strange working on it again.
I eventually got to sleep at about 3 o'clock this morning and woke at about 8.30. It wasn't long before I was asleep again and remained so until 1.30pm. This means that I am not feeling tired at the moment and because I have to get up early tomorrow I don't want to rely on tablets for sleep tonight in case I oversleep in the morning.
Tomorrow morning sees me going to see the HTT so that I can report on how I have managed over the Christmas and New Year period. I don't think that I can say any more than that I survived. I ate every day, but spent many days wishing that my life was over. This is not a good state of mind to be in and I have to hope that it will pass.
I eventually got to sleep at about 3 o'clock this morning and woke at about 8.30. It wasn't long before I was asleep again and remained so until 1.30pm. This means that I am not feeling tired at the moment and because I have to get up early tomorrow I don't want to rely on tablets for sleep tonight in case I oversleep in the morning.
Tomorrow morning sees me going to see the HTT so that I can report on how I have managed over the Christmas and New Year period. I don't think that I can say any more than that I survived. I ate every day, but spent many days wishing that my life was over. This is not a good state of mind to be in and I have to hope that it will pass.
Going Without Sleep
Sleep is becoming a problem again. I take all my medication at the proper time, and I make sure that I take the little blue pills that should help me to sleep.
I had been lying in bed reading when I remembered that I hadn't taken my tablets, so it was just a case of sorting out the required ones and taking them with some milk which is in a glass by the side of my bed. I had been on the verge of dropping off when I remembered that I needed to take my tablets. Having taken them, I was suddenly wide awake again.
It's now two hours since I settled down to go to sleep but sleep has not happened. I've been doing some puzzles (crosswords and suduko) in the hope that might help me to drop off, and as that hasn't worked I decided to write a quick post for the blog.
I've had to resort to the blue pills practically every night for the last couple of weeks. they do eventually help me to get to sleep but I keep waking up a few hours later. Sometimes I can get back to sleep fairly quickly, but more often I am awake for several hours before succumbing again. Then I end up sleeping for hours; most days during this last week I have ended up sleeping most of the morning.
What I really need to do is get back into a proper routine and hopefully I can manage that next week. I haven't been out of the house much over the last week or so, but on Monday I start having appointments with various people (HTT and psychologist as an example) and I will be getting to work on my OU course again. Hopefully that will help me to develop a routine that means that I can get to sleep reasonably easily and stay asleep for the rest of the night. I also need to get back to writing some more posts in the Tackling the Mental Health Minefield series as I have so much more to say on that subject.
But for now I will publish this post, wrap myself up under the duvet and hopefully drop off to sleep without too much of problem. I have a book handy so that I can read for a while, and if that doesn't work I'll just have to think of something else that might do the trick.
I had been lying in bed reading when I remembered that I hadn't taken my tablets, so it was just a case of sorting out the required ones and taking them with some milk which is in a glass by the side of my bed. I had been on the verge of dropping off when I remembered that I needed to take my tablets. Having taken them, I was suddenly wide awake again.
It's now two hours since I settled down to go to sleep but sleep has not happened. I've been doing some puzzles (crosswords and suduko) in the hope that might help me to drop off, and as that hasn't worked I decided to write a quick post for the blog.
I've had to resort to the blue pills practically every night for the last couple of weeks. they do eventually help me to get to sleep but I keep waking up a few hours later. Sometimes I can get back to sleep fairly quickly, but more often I am awake for several hours before succumbing again. Then I end up sleeping for hours; most days during this last week I have ended up sleeping most of the morning.
What I really need to do is get back into a proper routine and hopefully I can manage that next week. I haven't been out of the house much over the last week or so, but on Monday I start having appointments with various people (HTT and psychologist as an example) and I will be getting to work on my OU course again. Hopefully that will help me to develop a routine that means that I can get to sleep reasonably easily and stay asleep for the rest of the night. I also need to get back to writing some more posts in the Tackling the Mental Health Minefield series as I have so much more to say on that subject.
But for now I will publish this post, wrap myself up under the duvet and hopefully drop off to sleep without too much of problem. I have a book handy so that I can read for a while, and if that doesn't work I'll just have to think of something else that might do the trick.
Friday, 1 January 2010
I Can't Believe It
I've won an award. Okay, so it's only a virtual award, but it still means a great deal to me. I was joint winner of the Best Mood Disorder Blog in the Mental Nurse TWIM Awards.
The Tackling the Mental Health Minefield posts were responsible for me being nominated and while they have been difficult to write (and still are because there are several more to come) I felt that it was important that the mental health system needed to be described from a patient's point of view.
Mr Smiley encouraged me when I first started writing this blog, and when I told him that I was thinking of writing a series of posts about my experience of being in hospital, he thought that it was a great idea. He has always encouraged me to write about my experiences and much of my lecture on a patient's experience of psychotherapy is based on a series of emails that I wrote to him over the period of that therapy. I'm sure he will be very happy that his encouragement has resulted in this recognition.
The Tackling the Mental Health Minefield posts were responsible for me being nominated and while they have been difficult to write (and still are because there are several more to come) I felt that it was important that the mental health system needed to be described from a patient's point of view.
Mr Smiley encouraged me when I first started writing this blog, and when I told him that I was thinking of writing a series of posts about my experience of being in hospital, he thought that it was a great idea. He has always encouraged me to write about my experiences and much of my lecture on a patient's experience of psychotherapy is based on a series of emails that I wrote to him over the period of that therapy. I'm sure he will be very happy that his encouragement has resulted in this recognition.
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