Like A Drowned Rat And Feeling Stupid

After a period of hot weather which has left me flagging at times, this morning there was torrential rain in my part of London.There was no clear blue sky to wake up to, just unremitting grey clouds and a substantial amount of rain pouring from them.

The rain was not altogether unexpected, but it wasn't the light shower that had been forecast, something that would not have bothered me too much, and it was fairly obvious that I was going to get wet on my way to the bus stop. And I was right to expect to get wet because just after I had left the house it started to rain even harder and my waterproof jacket was finding it hard to cope with the rain.

By the time that I got to the bus stop I had a very wet jacket, rather wet trousers, and the toes that were peeking out of my sandals were both wet and covered with dirt from the splashing rain. Fortunately my jacket has a hood so I was at least able to keep my hair dry otherwise I would definitely have looked like a drowned rat. I looked at the electronic board at the bus shelter to see how long I was going to have to wait for my bus and found that one was due in just a few minutes and another was about five minutes behind it.

I like to make sure that I have my Oyster card in my hand before I get on the bus so that I am not scrabbling around in my handbag for it while other people are waiting to get on the bus. I'm pretty good at putting it in a place in my handbag where it is easy to find whenever I need it, but this morning it wasn't in its usual slot in my bag. Panic set in. What had I done with it? I had used it yesterday and although I had removed quite a few things from my handbag when I was looking for something in it yesterday evening, I was fairly certain that I hadn't taken it out of my bag.

There was only one thing for it, I was going to have to take things out of my handbag systematically so that I could find the card. Unfortunately this was easier said than done because there was nowhere for me to put the things as I took them out. My bus arrived and I still hadn't found the card but as I knew that there was another imminent I decided to let this one go without me so that I could search a little longer. I did eventually find my card as a bus arrived at the stop.

With card in hand I leapt onto the bus (well, perhaps I didn't leap on) and found myself a seat. These days there are a number of different seating arrangements on our red double-decker buses, and this should have alerted me as I got on, but it wasn't until the bus was moving and the speaker system on the announced its route and destination that I realised I had got on the wrong bus. And I only had one more stop that was shared by both this bus and the one that I should have got on. So, I quickly rang the bell to alert the driver that I wanted to get off and a minute later I was back out in the rain waiting for the right bus.

I really cannot believe that I boarded a bus without checking to see what number it was. I had to wait for about 10 minutes (the bus wasn't quite as imminent as I had thought it was) for my bus to arrive getting wetter by the minute. By the time that I had arrived at my destination the rain had stopped but I was still looking like a drowned rat and feeling a stupid one at that.

Off To The Doctor's

It was off to see my GP for my monthly mood check this morning. I know that it was only last Friday that I saw a doctor, but that wasn't to see my usual one who does my monthly checks and makes sure that I am not getting suicidal.

We talked about how this is a difficult time of year for me and what I was doing to try to cope with the depression. I talked about living one day at a time and how even the lovely day that I have planned for next Wednesday isn't helping very much at the moment. I am sure that when Wednesday arrives I shall be much better. Spending time with There and Back is always great and we have the added bonus of our visit to the theatre to enjoy.

We also talked about the sore area that I have on my nose, which was one of the main reasons why I had to make an appointment to see one of the doctors last Friday. It has been there for almost a month now, is getting no better, is still very sore and wearing my glasses is very painful. My regular GP is a bit worried about it, so he has referred me to see a dermatologist under the 'two-week rule'. I think it is the fact that the area has a different texture to the other side of my nose that is ringing alarm bells.

It is so nice to be able to have the continuity of care that I have. By seeing the same doctor each time, I don't have to constantly repeat all of the things that I have been through that have caused me to suffer so severely from depression and it makes it easy for a good record of how the depression gets bad and then improves to be maintained. The problem is that to most people who know me I am able to present a 'face' that seems to indicate that all is well. Very few people can see beyond that 'face' and dip into the turmoil that is in my mind.

Since I have been back home from the appointment, the wind has become very gusty. The curtains in the rooms with open windows are being blown all over the place and we have already had one torrential downpour although the sun is doing its best to shine at the moment.

Of course, it is a Bank Holiday weekend so we must expect some pretty awful weather. This is Britain after all

Paying The Penalty

We are certainly paying the penalty today for the recent hot weather. Here in my part of London it has been raining on and off for most of the day and at the moment it is very dark and not only is the rain teeming down but we have thunder and lightning too. I had to pop out this morning to get some money and a few bits of shopping and while it was dry and the sun was attempting to shine when I left the house, the rain started as I left the last shop and was chucking it down as I walked home. Fortunately I was wearing my waterproof jacket so I didn't get too wet.

However, the benefit of this is that the temperature has come down to a far more acceptable level and it is now possible to sleep at night; well it would be if I could sleep. I'm still having problems sleeping because of the depression but I am doing a little better each night so I am not permanently tired like I have been for the last three weeks or so.

Meanwhile, I have managed to sort out the problems that I was having with my knitting and things are moving along well. I am now on the penultimate chart and this is an easy one in comparison with most of the others. So hopefully progress will continue without too many problems while I am working this chart, but I know that there could be problems when I move to the last one because it is the most complicated of them all. I still have to decide what I am going to do as an edging, but I am feeling more confident about that than I was a week or so ago.

Tomorrow I have to go on a train journey so I hope that the weather improves a little. I certainly don't want it to rain like it has today. I am spending the day with a Strategic Health Authority as part of a team of doctors and patients talking about and giving presentations on patients having access to their medical records. This is something that I seem to be doing fairly regularly now and for the first time I have actually been given a decent amount of time to go through my presentation, so this time I intend to do it with the live system instead of using a PowerPoint presentation. It should be interesting!

Much Cooler

Well, there was no thunderstorm to wake me this morning, but I did wake a couple of times in the night to the sound of rain. The first time it didn't seem to be very heavy nor to last very long. However, the second time there was a definite sound of heavy rain. While I am not sure how long it had been raining before I woke up, I did lie there listening to it for a reasonable amount of time before returning to sleep.

The result of this is that today is much cooler and therefore much more bearable. I had a lie in this morning and actually had to climb under the duvet instead of lying on it because I had started to shiver in the cooler air.

Yes it is lovely to have sunshine, but it is also lovely to have rain occasionally to freshen everything up and make things a lot more comfortable.

Please Let It Cool Down

I don't normally worry too much about the weather. I don't like it if it is too cold, although I have spent time north of the Arctic Circle in winter and I coped well but I did have the right clothes for the conditions. I don't like it if it gets too hot in this country, yet I seem to manage quite well when I am in Corfu in the summer and I have experienced very hot weather in Australia and managed that. But at the moment I would love it to cool down a few degrees and if it could rain I wouldn't complain.

I've just had a look at the local forecast for the next 24 hours and I see that London should be getting a thunderstorm in the morning. So, if the thunder and lightning wake me up I do not intend to feel guilty when I turn over and go back to sleep again. On the other hand, I may just get myself out of bed, put on some old clothes, and go and stand in the garden for the sheer joy of feeling the rain on my skin.

I hope that it is a really big storm, with a fair bit of rain (although hopefully not so much that flooding occurs), because one of the best smells in the world is the air after a period of hot weather that has just been ended by a good downpour of rain.

Thunder

About an hour ago it went very dark and the rain teemed down, and for the last half an hour there has been thunder rolling around in the distance. The problem is that it doesn't seem to have cleared the air very much.

Maybe I Should Build An Ark

If I wasn't already feeling a bit low, today's weather would have taken care of it.  It's lunchtime, and so dark that I am going to have to put a light on so that I can see what I am doing.  But not only is it dark, the rain is pouring down at such a rate that I am wondering whether an ark may be necessary.

The little freezer attached to the fridge is empty of everything except some vegetables, so I need to go out to the large freezer in the garage to get some things for meals for the next few days.  However, I have no intention of getting myself soaked in the short dash from the back door to the garage, so I shall have to make do with some soup for lunch and hope that the rain eases a little later on.

My depression is not normally affected by the weather, but we have had such grim weather this year that the wind and the rain that we have at the moment is like the straw that broke the camel's back.  Try as I might, it is exceedingly difficult to see that things will get better when the day is so dark and dull.

One slightly lighter note to this post is possible.  I have been doing some knitting this morning and I have managed to move into virgin territory with the knitting.  I have managed to complete one and a half repeats of the 'rosebud' pattern on the Shetland lace shawl.  Perhaps I am getting used to the yarn and as a result managing to cope with the pattern a little more easily.  Anyway, the odd mistakes that I have made this morning have been easily rectified so I am a little more confident in my ability to make this shawl.  I hope that having written that I don't make a monumental mistake in the next few rows and cause me to lose confidence again.

A Blue Sky And Sunshine

After a week of truly grey skies and not a hint of sunshine, this morning dawned with a clear blue sky and the sun shining. Admittedly, the sky has clouded over a little since I woke up, but it is so nice to have a morning where you are not wondering whether to put the light on to see what you are doing.

I suppose I should make the most of it because the forecast for tomorrow is rain. August has gone, September has arrived. Can we really hope for an Indian summer, or is today just a tease of what might have been?

Can This Really Be August?

I'm sitting here at my laptop considering whether or not to put a light on. Fortunately I can touch type, so I don't need to see the keys to be able to write a post, but for goodness sake, this is 8.45am on the last day of August, and the sky should be blue and the sun should be shining.

But this year, August in London has been a bit of a washout. Okay, we have been lucky and not had the floods that have occurred in some other parts of the country, but not only has there been a lot of rain, there have also been days on end when we haven't seen a hint of sunshine.

So I'm sitting here in the dark, listening to thunder rumbling about in the distance, and mourning the summer that we haven't had this year. In fact, just as I was typing that sentence, the rain started to fall and it is getting worse as the seconds pass. It looks as though it may be a day to be spent indoors.

What's Happened To Summer?

Here we are, August is progressing, and it seems that Summer had given us a miss again this year. I know that they say that Summers always seemed to be sunny when we were children, but they weren't really; however, I have to say that the last two or three Summers seem to have been particularly lacking in one vital element. Lots of sun.

It's been raining here in London already this morning, although it is trying to brighten up a little. We'll just have to hope that it improves soon and that we can managed a period longer than three consecutive days of sunshine before the rain hits us again. Still, I know that the water companies will find it a bit harder to ask for a hosepipe ban for a while.