Feeling Desperate

I'm feeling pretty desperate at the moment. Nothing seems to be able to lift my spirits and I seem to be spending all my time crying.

Even knitting has taken a back seat.

Anxiety, Depression, And Writing An Essay (Or Not)

I should be writing an essay at the moment but I cannot raise any enthusiasm for it. I have a few ideas of things that I want to include in it but it's being able to find the words to express what I want to say that is causing the problem. I'm not sure whether it is the material that I have to work with and the subject of the essay itself that are causing the problems or whether it is because of the way that I am feeling.

I have not been sleeping well; I drop off to sleep all right but wake in the early hours of the morning and I am just not able to get back to sleep again. This doesn't help much with my mood, and at this moment in time I can feeling it getting lower. I've had a little crying session this morning and I have absolutely no idea why it happened.

I'm also starting to get anxious about a meeting that I am going to have tomorrow with the Senior Lecturer for the course that I will doing a lecture for in a few weeks time. No matter how much I tell myself that I have nothing to worry about, I can't help but get anxious. I want to give this lecture, I think that I can do quite a good job with it, and in a strange way I am quite looking forward to it, but it doesn't stop me getting very anxious about meeting someone new and having to talk about myself.

Paying For It

I'm paying for having had a good day yesterday.

I've had no sleep, I feel very low, really depressed, and I've spent much of the night crying. Perhaps it's as well that I have psychotherapy today because maybe that will help.  I certainly hope so because I really do not like feeling like this.