Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Anxiety, Depression, And Writing An Essay (Or Not)

I should be writing an essay at the moment but I cannot raise any enthusiasm for it. I have a few ideas of things that I want to include in it but it's being able to find the words to express what I want to say that is causing the problem. I'm not sure whether it is the material that I have to work with and the subject of the essay itself that are causing the problems or whether it is because of the way that I am feeling.

I have not been sleeping well; I drop off to sleep all right but wake in the early hours of the morning and I am just not able to get back to sleep again. This doesn't help much with my mood, and at this moment in time I can feeling it getting lower. I've had a little crying session this morning and I have absolutely no idea why it happened.

I'm also starting to get anxious about a meeting that I am going to have tomorrow with the Senior Lecturer for the course that I will doing a lecture for in a few weeks time. No matter how much I tell myself that I have nothing to worry about, I can't help but get anxious. I want to give this lecture, I think that I can do quite a good job with it, and in a strange way I am quite looking forward to it, but it doesn't stop me getting very anxious about meeting someone new and having to talk about myself.


alhi said...

I can empathise with how you are feeling about the lecture. I was petrified about mine but knew I could do it (if that makes sense!). You have miles more experience than me but all I can advise is to write it out word for word and read that way if necessary. You will find that you automatically gain confidence during it and you will also have read over it so often that you'll know parts of it off. The thing that really helped me was taking a run through the equipment in the lecture theatre, where the microphone was, where I plugged in my USB device, where I turned on the computer. I got a friend to stand at the back of the theatre and make sure she could hear me and could read my powerpoint. Tomorrow I'm doing the same thing for her!
You also have to remember the students are going to be so interested in the patient's view of it. My GP teaches 2nd year medical students and she asked me to come in and talk to them and have them ask me questions about my hip etc. I loved doing it and I loved seeing them realise that it wasn't only their grandmothers who have joint problems.
On the sleep front I can't help not being the best at that myself right now without the help of a pill or two.

Anonymous said...

I can completely relate to everything you said. Being anxious and stressing over a class or a lecture. I am so there. Even the part about the crying session. I am actually having one of those as I type this. Bad things is, I'm a guy. "They" say guys aren't supposed to cry. Maybe "they" have never been to college and faced the stress that goes with it and life in what do "they" know anyway.


Anonymous said...

With regards to your essay, wait for the inspiration, that's all you have to do. The words are already there and will come spilling out when they have to. With regards to your lecture, don't forget you have been there, done that, got the T-shirt and to large international audiences and your meeting with S tomorrow is only a preparatory one and one that really shouldn't cause you any angst. Perversely I know it will because of the inherently shy person you are but you'll be fine. Trust me, I'm an ex-soldier!! :-))

cb said...

I'm not surprised by the anxiety about the lecture. I hope the meeting goes fine.