Saturday, 23 January 2010

Taking A Nosedive

I didn't write a post for this blog yesterday. Okay, so that's not a big thing but since the start of the year I have been trying to write something every day. I have been trying to finish the eighth part of Tackling The Mental Health Minefield this afternoon and I hope to have it published some time today, but it isn't easy as my mood has taken a bit of a nosedive over the last couple of days.

I went to bed early Thursday night as I found that I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I was asleep by 8.30pm, woke again at about 12.30am and took my night-time medication (minus sleep medication because I didn't think that I was going to need it), fell asleep again almost immediately and then didn't wake until about 10am. I got myself something to eat, took my morning medication and went back to bed again. I then managed to sleep again although this time it was only for a short time.

I didn't get much done during the afternoon and while I was playing Mah Jong on the Nintendo DSi I actually managed to drop off without being aware that I was feeling tired. It was only momentary because I woke with a jerk when my head fell forward as I was sitting on the settee. I was finding it difficult to focus on anything for longer than about five minutes so I settled down to spend the evening sitting watching television but by 9pm I knew that I would have to head back to bed again.

I woke today at 11am having slept for more than 12 hours. This is often the pattern that occurs when I am starting to sink into depression again and having had a few days of feeling reasonably well I am rather annoyed that I seem to be sinking into depression again so quickly.

I'm not sure what has caused this to happen. It may be that the anxiety about the interview on Tuesday is causing it, but I hope not. I don't need the additional pressure of feeling absolutely sh*t through depression on top of the anxiety about performing at my best. I know that I can do this job, after all what I will be required to do is something that I have been doing for some time already. I am quite passionate about patients having access to their medical records and I believe that a patient is the best person to persuade the doctors of the benefits that can accrue from this, particularly when it is done online.

So, this afternoon I am not going to think about the interview. I still need to put the finishing touches to my presentation but that can be done tomorrow. Instead I am going to spend time completing another post for this blog about my time in hospital and then do a bit of reading before going to bed at a reasonable time. Then tomorrow I shall get up early, finish the presentation, get all the paperwork together, get my clothes ready for Tuesday, and when I have done all that I shall spend some time doing whatever I want to. Maybe it will be some knitting (I haven't done any for quite a few days now), perhaps it will be playing a game on the Nintendo, perhaps it will be a bit of reading.

I just need to stop thinking about the interview and concentrate on making sure that I am feeling as good as possible for Tuesday. Easier said than done, I know, but I shall do my best.

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