Monday, 18 January 2010

Anxiety Relieved

My walk to the bus stop this morning was not alone as would be the norm; just as I stepped off the drive my next-door neighbour (actually she and her husband and kids live behind my house because I live on a corner of the road and their house is in the road that joins my road) came out of the house on her way to the local newsagent to pick up a newspaper. It was nice to be able to have a chat with someone as I walked along the road. I was lucky this morning (or unlucky depending which way you look at it) because the first of the two buses that I have to catch to get to the CMHT arrived almost immediately and when I changed buses I had only to wait for a minute after getting off the first one for the second to arrive. The net result of this was that I arrived 35 minutes early for my appointment with the HTT.

I didn't see the usual nurse this morning although the one I saw today I have seen before. He is much better than the nurse I normally see at getting the information that they need to ensure that I am keeping well and it doesn't seem like answering questions by rote. It was actually much more like having a proper conversation. This meant that I probably gave more information because we talked around the subject. They are very pleased with my progress and I was told that I should give myself a pat on the back for all that I have achieved since leaving hospital.

When the appointment was over (I was in there for an hour and yet it seemed like five minutes) I walked down the road to catch the bus to take me to the hospital so that I could attend my psychotherapy session. By the time that I went into the psychologist's office I was suffering terrible anxiety and I really didn't want to be there. We got to work immediately and, though it was very difficult for me, it was a good session. I know it was a good session because at the end of it I felt as though I had been put through a wringer, but as I walked along the road to the shops after leaving the hospital I realised that all the anxiety had gone and I was much more relaxed. It really is just the anticipation of what I know is going to happen that makes me so anxious.

By the time that I got to the main shopping area I realised that I was very hungry; it was about 1.15pm and I hadn't had anything to eat since last night so I got myself some lunch and then did the little bit of shopping that I needed and then headed for the bus stop to get the bus home. The nice postman left my parcel at the back door so I don't have to go to the sorting office to collect it tomorrow so I now have a couple of knitting books and three new games for my Nintendo DSi to look at this afternoon.

After a night with only a couple of hours sleep and the rigours of the therapy session I am going to relax for the rest of the day. I shall probably try for an early night tonight, I will definitely take my sleep medication, but before that happens I am going to look at my new books and play my new games. Then tomorrow I must sit down and write the short story for my final assignment on my OU course.

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