First I must apologise that the next instalment in Tackling the Mental Health Minefield hasn't been published yet but I'm feeling a bit low and writing the posts can be a bit of a drain on my resources. I promise that it will be out there for you to read tomorrow.
I am at my lowest ebb since I left hospital. It's not a sudden thing; it has been developing over a week or more but it is starting to be difficult for me to stop the sad feelings from overwhelming me. This time I am well aware what is causing me to go downhill and that thing is Christmas.
Every time that I switch on the television there is something about Christmas. If it's not advertising something to eat or drink over the festive season, it's suggestions of what you should buy as a present for your nearest and dearest, or what will be shown on television at Christmas.
This is all fine if you enjoy Christmas, but for those who are alone it can be a horrible time of year. It's just another day for me and one that I would rather sleep through so that I don't have to endure facing on my own again what is a time for family.
Tomorrow I am off to see the psychologist again and I am sure that he will be able to tell that I am feeling down just by looking at me. That means that it will probably form part of tomorrow's session and tomorrow afternoon will see me looking and feeling as though I have been put through a wringer.
6 comments:
I think Christmas is difficult for a lot of people and a lot of people dread it much more than they let on. I can cope with the festivities and so on, but not going out and "having loads of fun". I go home to my parents and only come back to the city I work in when the university starts again in the new year. I tend to spend new year in tears as it's another year gone and nothing to show for it.
If you email me your address I'll send you a christmas card.
If it's any help, you will not be the psych's only client feeling crappy as the festive season approaches. He will be used to it.
I agree that Christmas is enormously difficult for many, many people. I got an email from a friend on Sunday -- she has her own issues with depressiona nd anxiety. Her 45-year-old husband, who is usually the most evenkeeled of people, is crabby, she said -- his dad and stepmother left to go RV-ing for the winter already so this will be the first Christmas without his parents (his mom died 15 years ago). So he's having a really rough time -- and the kids, of course, are picking up on this. It always reminds me fo the Charlie Brown cartoon -- when CB visits Lucy, and says something along the lines of "it's Christmas and everyone's supposed to be happy." And he's not. It's just a hard time of year for a lot of reasons, not the least of which are unrealistic expectations. And then lots of people have anniversaries of loss this time of year ... no wonder so many people are a mess. I am hopeful your session today will leave you in a better place. I have mental health issues in my own family, including a sister with major depression and another relative who's bipolar. My sister is a nun and she found a book on bipolar disorder that talks about the gift of bipolar disorder, that God will help you use the disorder to make you your best. His grace is sufficient and Christ's strength is made perfect in us when we are weak. It's a very hopeful book, and we both take it that way, in terms of our own relative.
You're not alone in your feeling of being overwhelmed.
Christmas can be a very stressful time for all sorts of reasons.
These days, I ignore all the pressure to perform and instead do Christmas on 'my terms'. No-one's complained yet!
btw You don't have to apologise for not getting a post up. It's your blog to do with as you please!
I just wanted to pop in and see how you're getting on now? I totally understand how you feel about Xmas, for so many people it's the hardest time of year.
Mind you, staying home with some nice food and not having to fight over the tv channels with anyone can make for a very pleasant Xmas day
BG Xx
I am not particularly looking forward to Christmas this year, obviously it’s my first without mum and whilst I have agreed to spend Christmas day with Dad I am not anticipating how difficult it’s going to be, I would rather sleep it away to be honest or not have to venture out. Please take care of yourself x
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