Thursday, 18 December 2008

A Sad Day

Today is one of those days that I wish I could forget.  Today is the anniversary of my Dad's death.  It's three years now, and I still miss him terribly.

I have tried very hard not to think about dates for the last week or so.  I thought that if I wasn't sure what day of the week it was or what the date was, then perhaps I wouldn't get upset.  I was doing reasonably well until yesterday when it suddenly occurred to me that this horrible anniversary was about to hit me, and I even did quite well this morning not thinking about it at all.  But then this afternoon, for no reason at all, I found myself crying.  I was half watching a film on television while doing my knitting and the tears just started to flow.

The mind is a very strange thing.  It plays with you and can change your mood in an instant.  It plays with your emotions and makes you do things that you don't want to.  It brings things to the forefront that you have tried to suppress, and it does it insidiously.

I've been feeling low for a couple of weeks now; today I suddenly felt desperate.  I know that I have to get through the next week and then with luck, once Christmas is over, things may improve. It's going to be a lonely Christmas but I hope that the New Year may be a little better, and that I might feel a little better too.

2 comments:

Alison said...

Sorry to hear you are finding it hard at the moment being the anniversary of your dad's death. I guess it's only natural to go through all kinds of emotions when it's something you loved and miss. Take care of yourself and remember the happy times, don't be ashamed for getting upset or shedding tears...

As for Christmas I am planning a quiet one, apart from visiting my godmother in the next day or two it's going to be quiet and relaxing, well that's what I hope!

cb said...

Again, I'm sorry to hear that. Anniversary dates are always difficult to get through. I am the same. I get very wistful and just plain sad. I have never really believed that time is a great healer for bereavement. I know i am coming up to the 30th anniversary of my mother's death (I was very young!) and in some ways it gets more difficult - because I don't have a lot of memories to patch together.
anyway, getting away from the subject now, but I hope that the New Year does pick up for you.
I'm not doing anything for Christmas except possibly cooking a nicer meal for myself. As I speak to the people I work with, I think Christmas' alone are much more common than the media would have us believe.