Yes, I was having a good day. The sun was shining when I woke up (which considering how the weather has been in August was almost a minor miracle), it was my birthday (although they are not so much fun as you get older), and I had decided that I would have a relaxing day and not do anything that in any way smacked of being a chore. That is exactly how the day went, until about half an hour ago.
It's not just that birthdays aren't much fun as you get older, they're not much fun when you are on your own either. I was thinking of having a glass of wine by way of a celebration, but I thought that I might be a bit silly and drink the whole bottle, and that really is not a sensible thing to do. I didn't have my lunch until quite late, so I don't want anything to eat now therefore it isn't even worth considering going out for a meal.
And now that my day is almost over, the thing that I didn't want to think about is at the forefront of my mind. The change that was made to my anti-depressant a few weeks back did seem to have been making a difference to how I felt. My level of anxiety had definitely subsided to something that was more reasonable, and I wasn't feeling so depressed as I normally do at this time of year. But suddenly that has changed. The tears have started to flow and life isn't as bearable as it was earlier today. Still, I shall do what I always do. I will try to keep my mind occupied, I shall try to focus on one thing at a time and not get too frustrated when it takes me forever to do even the simplest things.
And I will keep telling myself that things won't be so bad once Saturday is out of the way.
1 comment:
For some reason I normally end my birthday in tears. Something to do with being another year older, looking back over the previous year and feeling as if I've achieved nothing in that time. It's the same as New Year's Eve.
Stay strong for Saturday: time doesn't make things easier but it does help to create new memories.
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