Is it because it is Monday, or is it because I'm a procrastinator? I know that I should be getting myself into a comfortable position with my book, the course DVD, my notes, and a notebook so that I can start working on the ECA for my OU course. I know that I should be doing that, but summoning the enthusiasm is proving to be quite a problem.
The course isn't difficult, it's the easiest that I have studied with the OU, and yet I am having so many problems. It's not that it isn't interesting; it's a psychology course, so is about how we think and act. I've been sitting here trying to determine why I am finding it so difficult, and the answer is astoundingly simple. It is the way that the marking is structured that is causing me concern. This is the only course that I have studied where you are required to meet learning outcomes in order pass the course. So I don't have to get a specific percentage in each of the assignments, I have to achieve a certain number of outcomes.
For some reason this is making me even less confident in my abilities, and yet the point of doing the course in the first place was to try to regain some self-confidence. I suppose I will just have to do my best and hope that by doing that I am able to meet the learning outcomes to enable me to pass the course. The course is ony worth 10 points and I don't intend to use it towards a particular qualification, but passing it will help me regain some of the confidence that I have lost over the last couple of years. I need to do that if I am going to try to start living a normal life again.
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Monday, 8 September 2008
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Mental Illness and Discrimination
Late last night I was sitting watching the end of the film on BBC1 when a public information film came on. I didn't pay too much attention to it to start with, but then a number of words seem to attack my consciousness and my attention was drawn to see what its message was.
It showed a scene in a hospital, probably an A&E department (but as I said I wasn't really watching to start with) and the voiceover was talking about the qualities needed, and those not acceptable, for employment, presumably in the hospital. Anyway the voiceover continued and said something about 'not suffering frequent bouts of depression' and I guess it was this that had attracted my attention, because as the medical team were fighting to start the patient's heart the voiceover continued, 'Congratulations you have just turned down Florence Nightingale'.
The final message was from the government telling employers not to discriminate against people with mental illness, particularly depression.
I suffered terrible discrimination and lack of understanding about my depression when I was working, and it was this that eventually led me to become so anxious and depressed that work became impossible. I lost all confidence in my ability to do a job that I loved, and for which I was well qualified and exceptionally capable. In the end I had to seek early retirement on the grounds of ill-health. The loss of self-esteem that resulted from me being placed in this position, and my continuing lack of confidence in myself to do even some quite simple things, mean that I am still too afraid to even attempt to find myself a part-time job. I worry about what I am qualified to do, and what I would do if I was put into a situation that I couldn't cope with.
Two things about this film struck a chord. The first was that such a film should be shown so late at night, in fact in the early hours of the morning, and the second was the message that the government were trying to get across.
Why did the second thing strike such a chord? Well, I was employed by the Ministry of Defence, so it could be said that I worked for the government. I really wish they would practice what they preach.
It showed a scene in a hospital, probably an A&E department (but as I said I wasn't really watching to start with) and the voiceover was talking about the qualities needed, and those not acceptable, for employment, presumably in the hospital. Anyway the voiceover continued and said something about 'not suffering frequent bouts of depression' and I guess it was this that had attracted my attention, because as the medical team were fighting to start the patient's heart the voiceover continued, 'Congratulations you have just turned down Florence Nightingale'.
The final message was from the government telling employers not to discriminate against people with mental illness, particularly depression.
I suffered terrible discrimination and lack of understanding about my depression when I was working, and it was this that eventually led me to become so anxious and depressed that work became impossible. I lost all confidence in my ability to do a job that I loved, and for which I was well qualified and exceptionally capable. In the end I had to seek early retirement on the grounds of ill-health. The loss of self-esteem that resulted from me being placed in this position, and my continuing lack of confidence in myself to do even some quite simple things, mean that I am still too afraid to even attempt to find myself a part-time job. I worry about what I am qualified to do, and what I would do if I was put into a situation that I couldn't cope with.
Two things about this film struck a chord. The first was that such a film should be shown so late at night, in fact in the early hours of the morning, and the second was the message that the government were trying to get across.
Why did the second thing strike such a chord? Well, I was employed by the Ministry of Defence, so it could be said that I worked for the government. I really wish they would practice what they preach.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)