Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Empty Days

The long weekend is over and the working week has begun. Normally Tuesday morning means that I have to get up early, make myself presentable and set off for the hospital for my psychotherapy session. But my therapist is on holiday for two weeks so I have a break from psychotherapy during that time.

The last break that I had in this period of therapy was at Christmas and New Year. I had begun to sink into depression when I went for the first session of the year and my therapist wondered whether it was caused by the break in therapy. I don't think it was but it does make me wonder.

Psychotherapy on a Tuesday is the one real piece of routine that there is in my life. Without routine the days seem to merge into each other and if it weren't for the computer showing me the date and the day of the week, I would almost certainly lose track of time. I know that I need to find things to do that will occupy my time and get me out and about, but trying to find such things and actually making the effort to do them seems somehow insurmountable at present.

Perhaps, now is the time to start looking at doing something new. The problem is that I have absolutely no idea what it should be. It needs to be something that I can focus my mind on, so that I don't have time on my hands to worry about how I am feeling, but something that is not reliant on time or place so that I can do it whenever I feel capable.

For today, I shall spend this morning in a darkened room trying to get rid of a headache that has now plagued me for more than 24 hours. Once I have got rid of that then, perhaps, I can spend some time trying to discover something to occupy both time and mind.


fine fine fine said...

(Have been reading for a while, but not been able to post before, I enjoy your writing, very accessible).
I get this too, hard to structure days without an external appt or whatever. I sometimes make timetables just to get through time. And breaks in therapy are hard aren't they? Hope you find some inspiration for new things. I am just learning how to use a sewing machine at 38! x

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I understand this too. Hope your headache has left you in peace by now. BG Xx