Although I started writing this blog to record how I was feeling and to document the methods that I use to try to help me when I sink into depression, I have also tried to make sure that it doesn't descend into a series of daily posts saying that I feel awful. I am still feeling as low as I did when I came out of hospital and I seem to be unable to do anything to lift myself out of this terrible blackness.
I went to see my consultant psychiatrist, Dr M, this morning. This was the appointment to make up for the one that was cancelled when I was in hospital. I arrived about 10 minutes before the time of my appointment and amazingly was called in immediately.
We had a long talk about how my mood has been since I last saw Dr M. I admitted that I am finding things very difficult at the moment. I am literally living each day as it comes. I make no plans in case I am unable to do the things that I have planned. I am very depressed all the time. I am not sleeping properly, nor are my eating habits anything like they should be. And while we were talking about all this, I burst into tears. We also talked about my recent time in the hospital and what had caused me to seek help.
Dr M has decided that I need significant help from the CMHT and is going to set that in motion. He has also decided that the dose of both the antidepressants that I take should be raised to maximum levels in an effort to both try to improve my mood and help me to get a proper night's sleep on a regular basis. I have to see him again in three weeks so that we can see whether there has been any improvement and if there hasn't, Dr M has said that a change of medication may be necessary to see if a different combination of drugs will bring about an improvement.
Having read of the problems that so many people with mental health problems have with their psychiatrists, I feel that I am very lucky in having Dr M as my consultant. He is very kind and he listens. Something that I know many people say that their psychiatrists don't do. There is no doubt that having confidence in the people who are responsible for your mental wellbeing can make a significant impact on how things go.
3 comments:
Sorry to hear you're still feeling awful, but I'm glad to hear you get on with your Dr M a lot better than I do with mine!
Let's hope the meds increase helps. xx
I'm glad Dr M is a nice psychiatrist.
I'm back from that awful placement now so we shall have to go and grab a cup of tea at some point. If you fancy it at any point tomorrow give me a call!
xxx
You know what really sucks? That fact that we have to live this way! And you guys know what I'm talking about. I mean in highschool, you pass by people, not one person but many. And they stare at you as if you have something coming out of your nose. They stop and ask "Are you ok?" This only pisses you off more and you try and explain " I have depression and anxiety disorders, it takes over my life." Slowly they say, "Oh depression thats no big deal just think positive." And your world is crused at the fact that no one understands.
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