Monday, 23 March 2009

A Difficult Day

I wasn't going to write a post today (I'm not having a good day), but Mr Smiley thought that it might be a good idea and that writing about it might help me to deal with things.

I've been a little bit low for a couple of days, but today is truly horrendous. All I have to do is get through today and I know that things will look a little brighter tomorrow. But knowing that doesn't make things any easier.

Today would have been my husband's 60th birthday. This is the second of those 'big birthdays' since he died. I can't remember how I felt on what would have been his 50th birthday; it was only six months after he died and I was still having a problem coming to terms with things.

Birthdays and anniversaries are always the most difficult times for me, and probably anyone else in my position, however, things have been a little easier over the last few years. But this year, possibly because it is one of the 'big birthdays', I started to get that sinking feeling a few days ago although it wasn't until during my psychotherapy session that I verbalized what was bringing me down. I managed reasonably well over the weekend yet this morning I am feeling lower than I have for a fair while.

I am barely able to stop crying, focusing on anything for longer than about 30 seconds is not easy but I will try to keep going with my knitting and I'll watch anything that is remotely watchable on television (or find a DVD that might entertain me). I don't feel like cooking, so I have decided that I will have fish and chips tonight possibly accompanied by a glass or two of wine.

I'm going to try to keep my mind off what is causing me to feel so low. It's not going to be easy but I shall do my best and hopefully tomorrow I will be back to my slightly less depressed self.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

The ability to put into words how you are feeling and why, shows just how able you really are to make the 'focus' switch to take your mind off what is causing you to be depressed. Doing this, obviously, won't make things better immediately but at least letting other people see how you are affected, by what and how you are able to respond to the deepening emotion, illustrates just how far you have really travelled on this 'journey'. Well done for doing this. Remember, be strong and you will be better soon. :-))

cb said...

Nothing I can add except to take care.

Alison said...

I know I found mother’s day particularly difficult yesterday and it was only two weeks since mum died, but I had her presents wrapped ready to give to her... I am sure it never gets easier no matter how many times you think it will. Take care x