Thursday, 17 July 2008

Of Cabbages And Kings

I'm quite enjoying this blog lark. The only problem is that I am spending more time at the computer and less time with my books. That's a bit naughty. However, I don't really mind because this is actually helping to make me feel better than I have for a very long time.

When you have been in a very long depression finding your way out of it can be very difficult. You start to think that it will never get better as one bad day succeeds another, and then you get worse days and even worse days. When this starts happening to me my head and body no longer feel connected to each other and a good night's sleep becomes a distant memory. Sometimes I have trouble getting to sleep, then manage a couple of hours of fitful sleep only to wake up and then not be able to get to sleep again. Sometimes I drop off to sleep very quickly, but again wake in the early hours of the morning being totally unable to get back to sleep. And sometimes I never get to sleep. A week or so of this and I am at the stage where I am hardly functioning at all.

Fortunately this doesn't happen too often and a slight change in my daily medication will enable me to get some proper sleep and after a few days of this I start to feel a bit more human again. Don't get me wrong, I'm still depressed but I don't look like a zombie any more. There is a problem though. The change in medication does allow me to sleep properly but if I continue it for too long I get to the stage where I am asleep, or would like to be, for 23 hours out of 24.

At the moment I think that I have managed to achieve an equilibrium. I am getting a reasonable amount of sleep at night while also managing to remain fairly active during the day. Hopefully a couple of weeks like this and the current depression will start to lift and life will be worth living again. If we could have some decent weather so it seemed a bit more like summer, I think that the recovery could be swifter. Whatever happened to those long hot summers of my childhood? Still there's no chance of a hosepipe ban this summer!

No comments: