Knitting And Surviving

It's been a week since I forced myself to write a post for this blog, and I do mean forced because if it had not been for Mr Smiley making a comment about me not writing and knowing it was because I didn't feel great, I wouldn't have done anything about it. This time I am writing because I feel I ought to to explain that I am still feeling low but I am still here reading my favourite blogs and occasionally writing a comment when I feel moved to. Even though I have been feeling down I have tried to focus my mind on things other than how I am feeling so knitting has been filling many of my waking hours, which have been occurring at any time day or night. In my last post I wrote about the projects that I was working on and I felt that it was time to show you that it wasn't just a case of working on things; some of them were even being completed.

This is the first of the projects that I wrote about last week. At that time I was getting close to completing this blanket and I actually finished it last Tuesday evening in time for the second clue for the mystery shawl KAL to be published.

This only shows a small portion of the blanket which is circular in shape and approximately 6 feet in diameter. There are seven distinct pattern elements to the blanket and a lace edging. I have to admit that knitting it was addictive and I found myself staying up late into the night occasionally because I wanted to do just one more row so that I could see how the pattern would turn out, but of course it never was just one more row.

Wednesday morning saw me switching on the computer and somewhat to my surprise finding the second clue for the KAL shawl already available for me to knit. I wasn't expecting it to be available until Wednesday evening. After about five hours of knitting, and only one mistake which was easily rectified, I had finished the second clue and had another wait of seven days for the third clue to be posted.

This is the first time that I have ever knitted in this fashion. It seems strange to have to work in fits and starts and to have absolutely no idea what the finished article is going to look like. However, from little snippets that the designer has posted to the KAL group site, we do know that each of the seven (or possibly eight) parts or clues will lead to a new feature being added to the shawl so it should be quite interesting to look at when completed.

I also wrote that I had a myriad of knitting projects on the go. One of them was a cardigan for which I had literally only managed to cast on the stitches for the back and knit a few rows. Well being so low has meant that when I haven't had the energy for anything else I have sat with my knitting and I have managed to finish the cardigan. It just needs the last of the seams to be sewn up and then it will be ready for wearing. The picture shows some detail from the right front of the cardigan and the lacy panel at the centre front is repeated on the cuffs of the sleeves. It is a long time since I have been quite so productive with my knitting and I still have more projects underway or on the planning board.

I have been feeling a little better today than I have for nearly three weeks. I'm hoping that this will see me starting to climb out of this deep depression but I know that it is probably going to be a long climb back to something that makes life more pleasant than it has been just recently.

Mr Smiley sent me a card a couple of weeks ago and I have it propped up by my bed because the words on the front of it are important. It says:

A Little Pep Talk

Repeat after me:
I am strong.
I am special.
I can do anything...

I am trying Mr Smiley; really I am.

Knitting For Sanity

Whether or not I post to this blog can be an indicator of how I am feeling. When Mr Smiley sent me an email yesterday he noted that I hadn't posted anything since Thursday and without me having said anything to him knew that I was feeling down. He was right; I'm having a bad time at the moment and while I often have things that I want to say, I don't have the energy or the enthusiasm to write anything.

For many this would not be a problem, but while writing on this blog is not actually a life-defining occurrence, it does have some meaning for my future studies with the OU. Later this year I will be taking a course in creative writing and taking a more advanced one next year. These courses will lead to me completing my second degree but will also give me a Diploma in Literature and Creative Writing.

Studying with the OU has been a life-saver for me over the last nine years but it hasn't all been plain sailing. Over the last few years I have only managed to complete one course because depression has made it impossible for me to continue with courses for which I was registered. I am hoping that by taking some creative courses rather than purely academic ones I will break this cycle of having to 'drop out'.

One of the few things that I manage to continue with while I am deeply depressed is knitting. I have become a little manic about it over the last few weeks and have more projects on the go than is usual, even for me. However, I am coming to the end of one of them, a beautiful circular lace blanket that will keep me warm next winter; I should finish it today because I am knitting the edging at the moment and as it is only a 6-row repeat pattern, it seems to be moving around the edge of the blanket at a good rate.

For the first time ever, I have also joined a KAL. For the uninitiated this is a knit-along, and it is for a mystery shawl. The 'mystery' is that none of us, except the designer, know what the finished shawl will look like. The pattern will be available in seven 'clues' which are published weekly; the first was posted on the KAL site last Wednesday and I made the decision to join on Thursday. Having found some yarn in my knitter's stash that would be sufficient for the project I set to work and had completed the 54 rows that made up the first clue within 24 hours. I now have to wait until tomorrow for the second clue which will give me sufficient time to finish knitting the blanket today and sew in the few yarn ends that need to be done before notification of the clue having been posted arrives tomorrow.

The designer lives in the US and plans to post the clue at about midday EDT so that means that it should be available for me to work on tomorrow evening. Once I have finished the second clue I will have to wait again for the next one so I shall get to work on a cardigan for myself in the meantime.

Knitting is keeping me sane at the moment, I am having so much trouble concentrating on things that I am not even able to read. So I have a couple of books sitting beside the bed waiting for the moment that the depression lifts and I can get back to another of the things that I love to do in my spare time.

Once I have the myriad of knitting projects back to realistic levels again, I may do some crocheting as a little light relief. Sending There and Back a book on 'How to Crochet' as part of her birthday present and receiving emails from her letting me know how she is progressing, has reawakened my enthusiasm for this craft. I have decided to make a new throw for my bed and I will be building this from 6-inch squares of various designs from a wonderful book that I bought a few months ago. Having decided on the colours that I am going to use I have to now decide which squares I am going to make and how to lay them out to create the overall effect. This will be the first time that I will have designed something on this scale and I know that it is going to be one of those projects that will take some time to complete, but the joy of crocheting squares of this size for joining together to make a larger object is that the project can be picked up and worked on in any spare moments.

So while I may not be feeling at my best I am still making sure that I find things to do to ensure that my brain doesn't atrophy and that I am engaged in something constructive to pass away the hours. And this has reminded me that I need to charge the battery for my camera so that I can post a few pictures of the projects as they are completed or are progressing.