Ready For My Lecture

Tomorrow is a big day for me. It means an early start because I have to travel to the other side of London, and encounter all that the rush hour brings with it. One of the nightmares of living and working in London is travelling in the rush hour and it is something that I always said I would avoid if at all possible. But tomorrow I must face it because I am off to one of our universities to give my lecture entitled "A Patient's Perspective On Psychotherapy".

Over the last couple of weeks, I have updated my lecture notes, so that I now include the termination of my psychotherapy last May, and the psychotherapy that I am undergoing at the present time. This morning I have printed my lecture notes and they are now sitting in a folder ready for me to take with me in the morning.

It's not an easy lecture to present because it is so personal, but it is important that these postgraduate students, who are all going to be working in a mental health setting, understand what it is like for the patient to undergo psychotherapy. The lecture is mainly based on emails between myself and Mr Smiley and posts on this blog, although it does include details of therapy that I underwent long before this blog came into existence.

It is going to be very difficult for me to talk about Mr Smiley so soon after his death. I'm not sure that I won't want to shed a few tears. When I gave the lecture to last year's students, Mr Smiley rang me as I was walking from the Underground station to the university. Whenever, I was about to do something that was difficult or anxiety-producing, Mr Smiley was call me or send me a text message offering encouragement. He would always tell me that I should imagine that he was there beside me and that if necessary I should imagine myself squeezing his hand for support.

I know that I won't receive a phone call from Mr Smiley tomorrow, but I hope that he will be watching over me. And if I need to, I will give a virtual squeeze of Mr Smiley's hand and hope that he squeezes my hand in return.