Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Reaching Breaking Point

I have had not a wink of sleep for the last couple of nights and I am beginning to feel like a zombie. And on top of that I have lost interest in food. The black dog is back with a vengeance and it is as much as I can do to stop myself from crying all the time.

Being Tuesday, I have my psychotherapy appointment this morning and I have a feeling that my psychologist will notice that things are not good. If it is a gut-wrenching session as is normal, than I suspect that I will just want to die this afternoon.

I just don't seem to be able to pick myself up after the devastating disappointment of last week. I am seriously considering whether there is any point in carrying on as it seems that nothing good is happening in my life.


Danni said...


I hope things get better for you soon.

alhi said...

Please, contact B and ask why you didn't get the post and make sure he knows how devastated you are about not getting it. You appear to have known him for long enough for him to grant you that simple courtesy. You have also put yourself out enough for him in the past to warrant him telling you who got it and why, never mind your legal right to feedback.

You are still off to the Commons, your contribution in this area is still being recognised and your life is worth living. You have so many blogger friends out in blogosphere rooting for you and looking forward to your updates. Hang in there, you will come out the other side.

There and Back said...

^I second all that.

cb said...

I'm sorry things are so rough but sending out all the positive vibes I can to you - and alhi makes a good point.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I'm just about to go back and read what happened next week, but for now hugs. And more hugs. The short days with tantalising glimpses of light are particularly difficult atm after such a cold winter. I keep telling myself just to hang on til Spring and things will look better.
Until then, taking things one day at a time. I'll be thinking of you and hoping the clouds lift soon.
Love BG Xx

Anonymous said...

Keep fighting x

steph said...


Distraction is the name of the game here.

When something is getting me down, I find that I cope best if I busy myself with something that doesn't allow me time to dwell on it.

Have a look at the ads in your local library/newsagent. Is there anything of interest to you there? I've always found that the best way to meet new people, is to share a similar interest. Could you put your wonderful knitting and crochet talent to better use?

How's about planning to take a walk every day for no other reason other than to enjoy it. Take note of everything you see. Are the trees in bud, can you see any flowers? What colour is the sky today? Give someone a smile and brighten their day. They might even smile back.

I know right now that life looks (and feels) very gloomy to you but believe me, there is lots to celebrate. You have many talents. Grab hold of life and enjoy!

Lily said...

It's difficult but you need to try to carry on. You may not feel that there is much worth going on for, but there are so many people you manage to reach out to and help without really realising.

Not only is there your meeting at the house of commons coming up but so many other worthwhile things you do. You write this amazing blog which so many people relate to, you knit beautiful gifts for friends to cheer them up and you keep me company on our afternoons out for tea. Also don't forget the amazing blog awards and mention by MIND you got recently.

You may not always believe it but you are a totally fabulous person. The job fiasco was awful and being upset is understandable, but it is very much their loss and I'm sure once you're feeling better you'll see it that way too.

If you fancy a cup of tea tomorrow and maybe a slice of cake let me know. I've got to go and meet someone in the morning, but should be around again in the afternoon.

Lily xXx