Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Limp Lettuce

I'm feeling like a limp lettuce at the moment. I don't actually have a headache but I have a feeling in my head that is quite strange. It's the feeling that I have when I have spent the day crying and I just can't manage any more. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and wrap myself up in the duvet and not do anything or see anyone. This isn't depression creeping over me again; it is actually the after effects of something that should help me.

This feeling isn't new to me because I have experienced it before. Then it used to happen to me on a Friday. Now it is going to happen on a Tuesday. There is a possibility that it will also happen to me on another day of the week and the thought of it happening twice a week is more than I can bear at the moment.

Today I went to see the psychologist at the hospital. I thought it was going to be a second assessment-type session. These can be harrowing and last week it did have quite an effect on me, but nothing in comparison to how I am feeling today. My psychologist decided that he had got enough information from me last week (and I think he has seen the notes from my previous psychotherapy) so that today we would start working towards finding out how I feel about certain things and what that does to me. I don't want to go into too much detail here because I am very raw still from the emotional pummeling that I have been subjected to today, but I was made to feel emotions that I have spent all my life keeping under control.

Psychotherapy is hard.


Anonymous said...

I think MH appointments in particular emotionally and physically batter you. After every psychiatrist appointment over the past 6 years I've immediately taken to my bed. Raking over new and old emotions takes it out of you.

Just take some time out, sleep and be in bed if you need to and I hope over time it'll get better. But if it continues to make you feel so awful I guess you have to question whether the therapy is worth the badness.

Take care x

steph said...

It sure sounds hard.

I wish I could think of some constructive way to help you cope with this feeling.

You say it should help you. Is there some way you could reinforce this positive message to yourself each time you go for therapy?

Perhaps a reward system might help e.g. you treat yourself to something new/different in between sessions. Sometimes, we're so busy doing what we think is expected of us that we forget to do what we really want to do. Maybe you could use your therapy as a reason to do things differently?

I hope this is in some way helpful.

Karita said...

Sorry you're feeling like this. I'm feeling emotionally pummelled too and it's taking its venom out on my body, think I'm gonna have to just sleep for the rest of the afternoon. :(

I really hope you recover and feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Take care of yourself and some time out after each session.

It's nice to see your getting more visitors to the blog and comment, the mention over at MH Nurse has been good for you, your writing about the stay on the ward was fantastic, well done! :)

Take care x