Thursday, 27 November 2008

I Hate Christmas

It hasn't always been this way, but now I hate Christmas.  I used to love Christmas, shopping for presents, writing the cards, and looking forward to a surprise present from my husband.  We would invariably travel to my parents for the Christmas/New Year period, and the first thing that I would be doing would be helping Mum make the sausage rolls and mince pies.  She would roll out the pastry and I would add the sausagemeat and cut up the sausage rolls, before placing them on the baking trays and putting them into the oven; then we'd make the mince pies, where Mum would use the pastry cutters to make the bases and tops of the pies and I would load them with Mum's home-made mincemeat.

After my husband died, Christmas started to lose its appeal.  I would still go to my parents for the holiday period, but doing the Christmas shopping and writing the cards became much more of a chore.  Then Mum died, and the next Christmas was a bit of a trial for both my Dad and myself.  We coped though and I made the sausage rolls and mince pies by myself.  They took longer to do, but I didn't need to make so many, so things evened out in the end.

Then Dad died a couple of years later, just a few days before Christmas, and what had been something that I could tolerate became something that I absolutely hated.  I hate the constant television adverts for Christmas food or things to buy as presents, I hate not being able to go into shops without being bombarded with ideas for festive party food, I hate sitting down and writing the Christmas cards, and I hate people constantly telling me how they are looking forward to Christmas and assuming that I am too.

I had hoped to be going to Canada for Christmas this year, but owing to having to pay for some expensive repairs to the house, I have had to cancel my trip; I simply cannot afford it.  This means that I will be on my own again at Christmas.  The time of year that can be fun and happy for those with families, can be the loneliest time of all for those who are alone.


cb said...

I very much agree. I usually work through Christmas - we never really did the Christmas thing at home (I'm jewish) but these occasions really do bring back memories of happier, less lonely days for a lot of people - certainly people I work with and among. There is so much focus on family and friends that it can feel exceptionally isolating if you aren't part of that 'norm'. I'm sorry to hear you aren't going away.

Nails UK said...

I agree too. I my Grandad died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 8, about 2 weeks before Xmas. I will not forget that Christmas, with the adults devastated by grief, arranging the funeral etc and yet trying to be cheerful and christmassy for the kids. I now look upon Christmas as a festival full of hypocracy and something to be endured, rather than enjoyed. I have no answers, other than to grit your teeth and arrange something nice in January to look forward to.