Just Before I Go To Bed

I managed about one hour of sleep last night. Actually it was this morning between 5 o'clock until just after 6 o'clock. I left home and stepped out into the freezing cold, but I had made sure that I was well wrapped up. Standing at the bus stop for 10 minutes was no fun, but once on the bus I knew that I had only a few stops before I had to get off again because I wanted to call into the shop where I get some of my knitting supplies because I needed to get some double-pointed needles.

This entailed another five minutes in the cold while I waited for the shop to open; when it did I made a bee-line for where they hang the knitting needles and found what I wanted immediately. I paid for them, stashed them away in my handbag and went out of the shop to wait at the bus stop for another bus. Fortunately the bus stop is almost outside the shop so I didn't have to walk far and luckily my bus came within a couple of minutes. I have to get two buses to get to the buildings that house the CMHT, and when I got off the bus to make the change, where I normally have to wait about 10 minutes this morning the wait was less than one minute. I couldn't believe my luck.

It was quieter on the roads this morning than I had expected it to be. It seems as though some people must be taking a few more days off work, so this journey, which usually takes me something like an hour and a half from home to the CMHT buildings, was completed in less than an hour and that included the time that I spent in the shop buying the knitting needles.

I had a long chat with one of the HTT; usually I'm with whoever sees me for about 20 minutes, this morning it was something like 50 minutes. After having signed out of the building, I walked down the road to the bus stop and I only had to wait for a couple of minutes before a bus arrived. When we got to where I have to change buses, I didn't have to wait at all. I literally stepped off the first bus, walked to its rear and climbed on the bus that would take me the rest of the way home.

I did try to have a nap this afternoon; I was in desperate need of sleep, but it didn't happen. So I have got myself ready for bed, and as soon as I have finished this post I will take my night-time meds and snuggle under the duvet, perhaps trying to read for a while and hopefully drop off to sleep reasonably quickly. I'm yawning as I type this, so I am fairly optimistic that sleep will come fairly easily tonight.

I would like to have a lie-in tomorrow morning, but that won't be happening. I have to get myself up fairly early because tomorrow is psychotherapy day. I have some library books which need to be returned so I shall do that after I have been for therapy. I also need to sit myself down to write a letter to Mr Smiley, and the library might just be the perfect place to do this.

When I get home tomorrow I must settle down to do some studying. I need to read the rest of the course material and then start working on my final assignment. I am hoping that I can get the assignment finished over the weekend, which will mean that I can submit it well before the cut-off date. I'm thinking of doing another short course if I can find something that interests me, so that I keep myself in a frame of mind to take a long course come the autumn.

Just before I head for my bed, I would like to thank everyone for the comments that have arrived over the last few days. It really does mean a lot to me that there are so many of you out in the blogosphere wishing me well and sending virtual hugs.

Knitting And Surviving

It's been a week since I forced myself to write a post for this blog, and I do mean forced because if it had not been for Mr Smiley making a comment about me not writing and knowing it was because I didn't feel great, I wouldn't have done anything about it. This time I am writing because I feel I ought to to explain that I am still feeling low but I am still here reading my favourite blogs and occasionally writing a comment when I feel moved to. Even though I have been feeling down I have tried to focus my mind on things other than how I am feeling so knitting has been filling many of my waking hours, which have been occurring at any time day or night. In my last post I wrote about the projects that I was working on and I felt that it was time to show you that it wasn't just a case of working on things; some of them were even being completed.

This is the first of the projects that I wrote about last week. At that time I was getting close to completing this blanket and I actually finished it last Tuesday evening in time for the second clue for the mystery shawl KAL to be published.

This only shows a small portion of the blanket which is circular in shape and approximately 6 feet in diameter. There are seven distinct pattern elements to the blanket and a lace edging. I have to admit that knitting it was addictive and I found myself staying up late into the night occasionally because I wanted to do just one more row so that I could see how the pattern would turn out, but of course it never was just one more row.

Wednesday morning saw me switching on the computer and somewhat to my surprise finding the second clue for the KAL shawl already available for me to knit. I wasn't expecting it to be available until Wednesday evening. After about five hours of knitting, and only one mistake which was easily rectified, I had finished the second clue and had another wait of seven days for the third clue to be posted.

This is the first time that I have ever knitted in this fashion. It seems strange to have to work in fits and starts and to have absolutely no idea what the finished article is going to look like. However, from little snippets that the designer has posted to the KAL group site, we do know that each of the seven (or possibly eight) parts or clues will lead to a new feature being added to the shawl so it should be quite interesting to look at when completed.

I also wrote that I had a myriad of knitting projects on the go. One of them was a cardigan for which I had literally only managed to cast on the stitches for the back and knit a few rows. Well being so low has meant that when I haven't had the energy for anything else I have sat with my knitting and I have managed to finish the cardigan. It just needs the last of the seams to be sewn up and then it will be ready for wearing. The picture shows some detail from the right front of the cardigan and the lacy panel at the centre front is repeated on the cuffs of the sleeves. It is a long time since I have been quite so productive with my knitting and I still have more projects underway or on the planning board.

I have been feeling a little better today than I have for nearly three weeks. I'm hoping that this will see me starting to climb out of this deep depression but I know that it is probably going to be a long climb back to something that makes life more pleasant than it has been just recently.

Mr Smiley sent me a card a couple of weeks ago and I have it propped up by my bed because the words on the front of it are important. It says:

A Little Pep Talk

Repeat after me:
I am strong.
I am special.
I can do anything...

I am trying Mr Smiley; really I am.

An Early Start To The Day

Yes, it is barely 6am and I have already written an email, sorted out my books for a bit of studying, attached the earphones to my iPod (I need it to listen to some items for the chapter I am reading in the course book), switched on my laptop (okay, so I did that before I wrote the email), and got myself into a comfortable position in bed so that I can spend a couple of hours studying before I get myself ready to face the day and go out to do some shopping.

The reason that I am doing these things so early in the morning, is that I went to bed early last night, fell asleep almost immediately and had nine hours sleep before waking this morning.  I'm still yawning every so often, but I feel a bit brighter than I have for several days.

So some early morning studying, followed by a quick trip to the shops, means that I should be able to please myself about how I spend the rest of the day.  It will probably be some time spent reading, and more time spent with the knitting.  Yes, I know that it isn't a very exciting existence, but it is manageable and I do feel as though I am achieving something each day.  And sometimes just surviving the day can be an achievement in itself.