A Round Of Applause

Today has been a long day. I know that sounds stupid because days are all the same length. But for me today has been long because I have done a lot of travelling and I have presented my lecture on "A Patient's Perspective On Psychotherapy".

I have managed to incorporate the subject of termination of therapy and my present therapy into the lecture and it has made it a far wider ranging lecture than that which I presented last year. When I was talking to S before we headed to the lecture room, I mentioned that I had included a bit about the termination of therapy and how it can affect the patient, and he replied that he was pleased about that because he felt that it was something that needed to be covered and that I could probably do it far better that the lecturers because I was speaking from personal experience.

Anyway, after a brief introduction from S, I started giving the lecture. Amazingly I did not feel particularly nervous, which considering the extreme anxiety that I always suffer before a psychotherapy session really surprised me. I spoke for just over an hour and when I finished there was a round of applause from the students. Not a gentle polite round of applause but a real enthusiastic hand clapping.

After a short break for coffee, the students were offered the opportunity to ask me questions, and ask questions they did. Lots of questions. S had allowed half an hour for the question and answer session but it went on for more than an hour. I think that all of the students appreciated the opportunity to listen to a mental health patient talk about how mental illness can affect everything that they do in their lives, and how therapy can make a real difference as long as a good therapeutic relationship can be built between the patient and the therapist.

At the conclusion of the question and answer session S and I left for our lunch date. The university is in financial difficulty and can't afford to pay visiting lecturers at the moment. This would never stop me from giving this lecture as it seems to be so well received, but S offered to buy me lunch as payment for my travelling across London to the university and I accepted. We had a lovely meal at a little restaurant just a short distance from the university building and it provided us with the opportunity to chat, both about this morning and the possibility of me continuing to present the lecture whenever the course is being presented, including as a short course in the summer.

After our lunch, S headed back to the university and an afternoon of lecturing on another course, and I headed to the Underground station to begin my journey home. I can't say that I am 'feeling high' like I did last year, but I am feeling quite happy about how well the lecture was received again and that makes all the effort well worth while.

Ready For My Lecture

Tomorrow is a big day for me. It means an early start because I have to travel to the other side of London, and encounter all that the rush hour brings with it. One of the nightmares of living and working in London is travelling in the rush hour and it is something that I always said I would avoid if at all possible. But tomorrow I must face it because I am off to one of our universities to give my lecture entitled "A Patient's Perspective On Psychotherapy".

Over the last couple of weeks, I have updated my lecture notes, so that I now include the termination of my psychotherapy last May, and the psychotherapy that I am undergoing at the present time. This morning I have printed my lecture notes and they are now sitting in a folder ready for me to take with me in the morning.

It's not an easy lecture to present because it is so personal, but it is important that these postgraduate students, who are all going to be working in a mental health setting, understand what it is like for the patient to undergo psychotherapy. The lecture is mainly based on emails between myself and Mr Smiley and posts on this blog, although it does include details of therapy that I underwent long before this blog came into existence.

It is going to be very difficult for me to talk about Mr Smiley so soon after his death. I'm not sure that I won't want to shed a few tears. When I gave the lecture to last year's students, Mr Smiley rang me as I was walking from the Underground station to the university. Whenever, I was about to do something that was difficult or anxiety-producing, Mr Smiley was call me or send me a text message offering encouragement. He would always tell me that I should imagine that he was there beside me and that if necessary I should imagine myself squeezing his hand for support.

I know that I won't receive a phone call from Mr Smiley tomorrow, but I hope that he will be watching over me. And if I need to, I will give a virtual squeeze of Mr Smiley's hand and hope that he squeezes my hand in return.