I have been awake since dawn; mainly because I didn't sleep much last night. I am like a coiled spring, just waiting to be released. It will soon be time for me to get myself ready to leave the house and make my way to the bus stop to start on my long journey for my awayday.
It is absolutely ridiculous, but I feel like a five-year old waiting to go on their first school trip.
There is no evidence of depression today; just a strange feeling of excitement and expectation. No sign of nervousness is apparent. I cannot believe that a woman of my age can feel like this.
Isn't it silly? Just because I am going to get on a train and go and see a friend that I haven't seen for a few months. And that opportunity to say 'Hi There and Back' and to give her a hug.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, 5 June 2009
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
Yes, three-quarters of 2008 is past, Christmas is now looming and before we know where we are 2009 will have arrived. It's a bit early to start weighing up the year to determine what sort of year it has been, but there is no reason why I can't reflect on the third quarter of this year, the period for which I have been blogging.
If you were to ask me why I started to write this blog I really couldn't give you a truthful answer. At a period when I seemed to be having a really hard time, I started to read blogs. It started with just one or two; I would read all that the person had written to their blog, or a significant part of it at least and if I found it interesting I would bookmark it. Then I would look at blogs that they read, and see what they were like. Through this means I found that the medical profession, be they qualified doctors, or medical students, seemed to be the most interesting to read. Yes, a lot of what they wrote related to medical matters, but many of them wrote around that too. Then I started looking at blogs written by people who suffered from mental illness, and found that I had a tremendous amount in common with many of them. Not surprising really, seeing that I suffered from mental illness myself. But what caused me to make the transition from being a casual reader of blogs, to being the writer of one of my own, is something that I don't think that I will ever be able to answer. The best that I can come up with is 'IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME".
My first steps were tentative. I had to create the blog to start with and I didn't have a clue how to do that. I'm not a computer whizz-kid, I'm too old to be that, and I'm female too, which many would see as an insurmountable barrier to being able to do anything of a technical nature. However, I had used complex computer systems when I was working, and was capable of using a variety of applications, many of which were highly specialized, so creating a blog couldn't be that difficult, could it? So I had a go, and within 30 minutes of starting I had created my blog, managed to find a suitably catchy title for it, had a good look at the various templates that were available to me, added a few gadgets, and managed to write my first post. It all turned out to be extremely simple; even this middle-aged woman could do it.
Having created it, I was next faced with the problem of what I would put on it. For the first few days I just wrote about whatever came to mind. It might be something in the news, or something that was mulling about in my mind. As I have said before, I didn't expect that anyone would find anything interesting enough to bother to read it, but I was soon proved wrong and I now have a relatively small, but regular, group of readers. It was nearly a month before I told anybody about the blog, and even now, there are only a handful of people who know who I really am. To everyone else I am Madsadgirl, and that is one of the joys of writing a blog, I don't have to tell anyone who I am unless I want to.
So what have I achieved with this blog? Well, as someone who lives on her own, I have found a new group of friends that I might never have found had I not started writing this. Why am I saying 'might never', when we all know that what I mean is 'would never'. I have found a way of being able to vent some of my anger at the position in which I find myself. I haven't specifically written about the things that made me so angry, it is more a case of being able to write about things in this way I have been able to channel my thoughts in a different, and I have to say, a more creative way. I also hope that I have been able to present an articulate description of what it is like to suffer from depression over the long term and the devastating effect that it can have on your life. The simple exercise of writing something to post on most days has helped me to focus on the here and now rather than dwelling on the past which it is impossible for me to change.
But, perhaps the biggest achievement to come from writing this blog, is that I seem to have regained a little bit of self-confidence. Now then Mr Smiley
, I bet you didn't think that you would ever hear me say that.
If you were to ask me why I started to write this blog I really couldn't give you a truthful answer. At a period when I seemed to be having a really hard time, I started to read blogs. It started with just one or two; I would read all that the person had written to their blog, or a significant part of it at least and if I found it interesting I would bookmark it. Then I would look at blogs that they read, and see what they were like. Through this means I found that the medical profession, be they qualified doctors, or medical students, seemed to be the most interesting to read. Yes, a lot of what they wrote related to medical matters, but many of them wrote around that too. Then I started looking at blogs written by people who suffered from mental illness, and found that I had a tremendous amount in common with many of them. Not surprising really, seeing that I suffered from mental illness myself. But what caused me to make the transition from being a casual reader of blogs, to being the writer of one of my own, is something that I don't think that I will ever be able to answer. The best that I can come up with is 'IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME".
My first steps were tentative. I had to create the blog to start with and I didn't have a clue how to do that. I'm not a computer whizz-kid, I'm too old to be that, and I'm female too, which many would see as an insurmountable barrier to being able to do anything of a technical nature. However, I had used complex computer systems when I was working, and was capable of using a variety of applications, many of which were highly specialized, so creating a blog couldn't be that difficult, could it? So I had a go, and within 30 minutes of starting I had created my blog, managed to find a suitably catchy title for it, had a good look at the various templates that were available to me, added a few gadgets, and managed to write my first post. It all turned out to be extremely simple; even this middle-aged woman could do it.
Having created it, I was next faced with the problem of what I would put on it. For the first few days I just wrote about whatever came to mind. It might be something in the news, or something that was mulling about in my mind. As I have said before, I didn't expect that anyone would find anything interesting enough to bother to read it, but I was soon proved wrong and I now have a relatively small, but regular, group of readers. It was nearly a month before I told anybody about the blog, and even now, there are only a handful of people who know who I really am. To everyone else I am Madsadgirl, and that is one of the joys of writing a blog, I don't have to tell anyone who I am unless I want to.
So what have I achieved with this blog? Well, as someone who lives on her own, I have found a new group of friends that I might never have found had I not started writing this. Why am I saying 'might never', when we all know that what I mean is 'would never'. I have found a way of being able to vent some of my anger at the position in which I find myself. I haven't specifically written about the things that made me so angry, it is more a case of being able to write about things in this way I have been able to channel my thoughts in a different, and I have to say, a more creative way. I also hope that I have been able to present an articulate description of what it is like to suffer from depression over the long term and the devastating effect that it can have on your life. The simple exercise of writing something to post on most days has helped me to focus on the here and now rather than dwelling on the past which it is impossible for me to change.
But, perhaps the biggest achievement to come from writing this blog, is that I seem to have regained a little bit of self-confidence. Now then Mr Smiley
, I bet you didn't think that you would ever hear me say that.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
It's Nice To Be Read
I woke up this morning feeling more like my usual self; the room didn't start spinning the moment I sat up in bed, and I managed to get to the loo without having to hold on to the wall for support. So today I am going to go for a walk to get some exercise (something that I haven't been able to do for a week) and then I am going to sit down and finish the TMA for my current OU course. It should only take me a couple of hours and it will be great to have it done and sent off.
Thanks to the Jobbing Doctor I have had a lot of people read my blog over the last 24 hours, and a couple of people have made very nice comments about my writing. As I said in my very first post I have no real reason for writing this blog other than as a means to "vent my spleen" at things that annoy me, or to relate things that happen in my generally very dull life.
It's nice making friends, isn't it?
Thanks to the Jobbing Doctor I have had a lot of people read my blog over the last 24 hours, and a couple of people have made very nice comments about my writing. As I said in my very first post I have no real reason for writing this blog other than as a means to "vent my spleen" at things that annoy me, or to relate things that happen in my generally very dull life.
It's nice making friends, isn't it?
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