The Darkness That Is Depression

Why do I suffer these terrible black periods? What makes me fall into such a deep hole for no apparent reason? What did I do to deserve this?

I try not to think about how I am feeling. I try to occupy my mind with things that don't allow me time to think about myself. But when I get like this I find it difficult to concentrate, and lack of concentration allows those dark thoughts in.

There are so many things that I know that I should be doing.

I ought to be making sure that I eat properly, but cooking seems to be beyond my ability. Eating the wrong things is so much easier.

I ought to make sure that I get exercise, but I don't seem to have the energy or the enthusiasm. Lying in bed is so much more attractive.

So here I am, knowing that I need to do something, but physically and mentally unable to. Yes, I manage to take my medication, but it doesn't seem to help and the dark thoughts continue to find their way to the fore and I wonder why I continue to live.

It is no wonder that so many of those who fall into this depressive state turn to thoughts of self-harm or to suicide.

Are they the strong ones? I know that I can do neither of these things. All I can do is hope that these dark feelings will pass and I will come out the other side of this dark journey soon.