Anxiety And A Busy Day Ahead

For the first time in several weeks I have woken this morning in a state of anxiety. Anxiety is nothing new on psychotherapy days, but in recent weeks it has remained at bay until I am actually waiting to go into my therapist's office. Today, I am back to the old feelings of a lurching stomach and uncontrollable shivering.

I was later than I wanted to be in going to bed last night. I think that it was because I got engrossed in my knitting and I didn't notice the time pass by. It was only when I got to the stage of grafting the stitches of the toe together that I realised that it was nearly midnight. When I did go to bed it took me almost an hour to get off to sleep, and then I was awake again at 5.40 this morning.

So, now I am about to get myself ready to head out for the day. First to the hospital for my psychotherapy session, then into town to get some lunch and then off to see the chap about record access. There will be some hanging around because I could not get the things more closely timed, but I will go equipped to do something constructive.

Mine is not a large handbag, but thanks to the ingenuity of the designers at Kipling, it is a bit like Mary Poppins' carpet bag. It can take an amazing array of items and there still be room for more. This means that I can make sure that I have my purse, my pocket organiser, a hair brush, a two-way mirror, my Oyster card, my building society book, some chewing gum, a packet of Polos, my GTN spray, various letters for forthcoming appointments (if they are in the bag already then I won't be looking for them on the day), a large bundle of tissues (always needed on psychotherapy day, and even though there are always plenty of boxes of tissues in my therapist's office, I much prefer my soft ones to his NHS issue rough ones), my DSi in its hard case with 6 games to choose from, and my knitting.

Yes, that is right, I have managed to get the wool and the five double-pointed needles into my handbag so that I can do a bit of the second sock while trying to pass the time. I have started it this morning and managed to do a few rows to get it started, now it is there for me to do if I get the opportunity.

All that remains for me to do before I set off for the day is to finish getting dressed and to take my morning medication. I have been a bit lax with the medication just recently. Sometimes it has been lunchtime before I have remembered to take it and some days I haven't taken it at all. So, I shall do that now and then get on my way.

Paying The Penalty

We are certainly paying the penalty today for the recent hot weather. Here in my part of London it has been raining on and off for most of the day and at the moment it is very dark and not only is the rain teeming down but we have thunder and lightning too. I had to pop out this morning to get some money and a few bits of shopping and while it was dry and the sun was attempting to shine when I left the house, the rain started as I left the last shop and was chucking it down as I walked home. Fortunately I was wearing my waterproof jacket so I didn't get too wet.

However, the benefit of this is that the temperature has come down to a far more acceptable level and it is now possible to sleep at night; well it would be if I could sleep. I'm still having problems sleeping because of the depression but I am doing a little better each night so I am not permanently tired like I have been for the last three weeks or so.

Meanwhile, I have managed to sort out the problems that I was having with my knitting and things are moving along well. I am now on the penultimate chart and this is an easy one in comparison with most of the others. So hopefully progress will continue without too many problems while I am working this chart, but I know that there could be problems when I move to the last one because it is the most complicated of them all. I still have to decide what I am going to do as an edging, but I am feeling more confident about that than I was a week or so ago.

Tomorrow I have to go on a train journey so I hope that the weather improves a little. I certainly don't want it to rain like it has today. I am spending the day with a Strategic Health Authority as part of a team of doctors and patients talking about and giving presentations on patients having access to their medical records. This is something that I seem to be doing fairly regularly now and for the first time I have actually been given a decent amount of time to go through my presentation, so this time I intend to do it with the live system instead of using a PowerPoint presentation. It should be interesting!