Wide Awake

It's 1.15 in the morning and I ought to be fast asleep but it is obviously going to be another one of those nights where sleep just won't come.

This is one of the aspects of depression that I have most problems with. I try to switch off but thoughts continue to whirl about in my mind and nothing that I do seems to help me to achieve a level of calm where I can lie down, close my eyes and just drift off.

If you were to ask me what the thoughts are I couldn't tell you. There doesn't seem to be any one particular thing that I am thinking about, in fact I am trying not to think about anything, and yet my mind seems to be far too active for this time in the morning.

Sometimes I feel as though I am afraid to go to sleep because of the things that I might dream about. There have been several nights recently where I have woken from a frightening dream with the sweat pouring off me. Yet I am unable to remember what it was that I was dreaming about.

I've tried reading but I can't concentrate. I've tried listening to some music but I can't find anything that I really want to listen to at the moment. I've even tried listening to one of my relaxation recordings and that didn't help either.

I shall probably lie in bed trying to sleep for hours yet and finally drop off just as it is time for me to get up.