(This post continues the story from Tackling The Mental Health Minefield Part 9 - The Nurses: Carers or Prison Warders)
Hot-bedding is a military term, particularly used by the Royal Navy but understood by the other Armed Forces equally, that indicates that there are insufficient beds for all on board and that as one seaman climbs out of his bed to get ready for his watch, so a seaman coming off watch climbs into it to get some sleep. It isn't actually that common these days, although I suspect that it may still be necessary on some submarines.
Beds are at a premium in all NHS hospitals. Many hospitals have more than 100% occupancy (I know that sounds impossible but it happens) and the fact that is that as soon as one patient is discharged, and sometimes even before that happens, another patient is admitted to take the bed. There have been huge cuts in the number of beds available in an effort to save money. If these cuts have been bad in main stream hospitals, in mental hospitals they have been catastrophic.
The problems that arise from this policy are something like this in the Mental Health Trust that looks after my area of London. The trust has seven hospitals which either take patients from a particular area or are specialist psychiatric facilities (eating disorders, young people, addiction). The hospital that you are put in is therefore dependent on which borough you live in, and then the ward that you are assigned to is decided by whereabouts in the borough you live. This is hardly ever deviated from so even though you may be in desperate need of a bed, if there is no-one who is well enough to be discharged then you are left on your own. There can be no doubt that having to operate in this way that there are more attempted suicides or successful suicides than there would be if there had been a bed available when the patient needed it. To show this happened in the hospital that I was in, it is only necessary for me to relate what happened to me.
I was moved from the admissions ward to my permanent ward at no notice because they needed my bed in the admissions ward. This was on a Thursday evening; the following Wednesday I went home for my ill-fated overnight leave. When I went back the next day, my room was already being occupied by somebody else, so it became necessary to discharge someone so that a bed could be made available for me. A couple of days later I was told that I had to vacate my room because it was needed for a male patient being admitted to the ward. I wasn't in any fit state to be discharged or sent home on leave, so I was told that I would be given a bed for the night on another ward. I was to spend the rest of the day on my ward, up to and including night-time medication, then I was to move to this other ward, where I didn't know any of the patients or the staff, for the night only to return to my proper ward for breakfast the next morning when it was hoped that a bed would be available for me. I'm afraid that I really lost it at that point.
My immediate question for the staff was why it was necessary for me to be moved in this way; wouldn't it make more sense for the male patient to be put on the other ward. There seemed to be no sensible answer to this; I was told that this was just the way it had to be. I decided to dig my heels in at this point and said that I would not be leaving the ward after medication and that it was up to the staff to find me a bed somewhere on the ward. And so it came about that I spent the night sleeping on one of the settees in the ladies' TV lounge. The following day, one of the patients was sent out on home leave and I moved into their room. A few day's later I was moved again. The room that I was occupying was in the main corridor and they wanted this room for someone else, so a bed was made available for me in the female corridor. I remained in that room until I went to the assisted-living accommodation about a week later.
In the period that I was in the hospital I was on two wards and slept in six different rooms, one of them not even a bedroom. One of the most important things that most mental patients require is a sense of stability something that was definitely lacking in my case and I am sure that it was this sense of not belonging that caused me to be in hospital as long as I was.
To be continued.
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Friday, 26 February 2010
Just So You Know
I have been out of action since Sunday. It wasn't the computer; it was me. I was feeling so depressed and suicidal Sunday morning after another night without sleep that I took myself of to A&E to seek help from the psychiatric liaison team. The net result of this is that I have spent the week back in the psychiatric hospital. The lovely Lily from The Student Doctor Diaries came to visit me on Monday and Tuesday and kept me from going completely up the wall.
I have been discharged this evening even though I am far from well with a sheaf of pamphlets and the instruction to call the psychiatric liaison team if I am having trouble coping over the weekend. I will, of course, be adding this experience to the Tackling the Mental Health Minefied Series, but it may be a few days in appearing.
I'm afraid that one of the consultants and I seem to have differing views on my safety at home. In hospital I was able to do considerable self-harm to a number of parts of my body and that was without recourse to sharp instruments; why he should think that I won't partake of a large number of tablets and use a sharp knife at home in furtherance of this, I really don't know. And I still haven't had a night's sleep even though the medication that I was taking to help with sleep was increased to a dose that could fell an elephant but I was to be found three or four hours after taking the medication playing games on my Nintendo DSi, doing Sudoku puzzles or reading a book.
I have been discharged this evening even though I am far from well with a sheaf of pamphlets and the instruction to call the psychiatric liaison team if I am having trouble coping over the weekend. I will, of course, be adding this experience to the Tackling the Mental Health Minefied Series, but it may be a few days in appearing.
I'm afraid that one of the consultants and I seem to have differing views on my safety at home. In hospital I was able to do considerable self-harm to a number of parts of my body and that was without recourse to sharp instruments; why he should think that I won't partake of a large number of tablets and use a sharp knife at home in furtherance of this, I really don't know. And I still haven't had a night's sleep even though the medication that I was taking to help with sleep was increased to a dose that could fell an elephant but I was to be found three or four hours after taking the medication playing games on my Nintendo DSi, doing Sudoku puzzles or reading a book.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Winter Gold
After an interval of 30 years, a solo British athlete has won a gold medal at the Winter Olympics. We don't have a great history of medal winning in the Winter Olympics, after all we don't have the weather and facilities for many of the sports involved, but we do have a good record in the Women's Skeleton. In the last three Winter Olympics, our ladies have brought home first a Bronze Medal, then a Silver Medal, and now Amy Williams has won the Gold Medal and deserves our hearty congratulations.
This particular event is relatively new to the Winter Olympics and it is surprising that British athletes should do so well at it. We don't have a track in this country, so all practice has to be undertaken elsewhere. And it's not exactly the kind of event that many of us would want to take part in anyway. The thought of travelling headfirst at speeds approaching 100mph down an icy course consisting of twists and turns while lying on something that resembles a tea tray must require either a special form of courage or a spirit of foolhardiness.
I'm not a particular follower of the Winter Olympics unlike the Summer Olympics which I watch avidly. However, this particular event holds an interest for me because I personally know one the British ladies who have excelled at this event. Alex Coomber, who won the Bronze Medal (competing even though she had a broken wrist) eight years ago, used to work for me.
Well, when I say that she worked for me, what I mean is that she was a member of staff of the office of which I was the head. Alex was a junior officer in the RAF and I was the civilian Head of Section. I remember clearly the day that she told me that she was going to enter the RAF Winter Sports Championships in the Skeleton Bobsleigh as it was referred to back then. I told her that she must be mad, especially as she had never taken part in the event before. She won the championship and went on to become World Cup Champion in the event three years running. In addition, she also won a Silver Medal in the World Championships in 2001.
This particular event is relatively new to the Winter Olympics and it is surprising that British athletes should do so well at it. We don't have a track in this country, so all practice has to be undertaken elsewhere. And it's not exactly the kind of event that many of us would want to take part in anyway. The thought of travelling headfirst at speeds approaching 100mph down an icy course consisting of twists and turns while lying on something that resembles a tea tray must require either a special form of courage or a spirit of foolhardiness.
I'm not a particular follower of the Winter Olympics unlike the Summer Olympics which I watch avidly. However, this particular event holds an interest for me because I personally know one the British ladies who have excelled at this event. Alex Coomber, who won the Bronze Medal (competing even though she had a broken wrist) eight years ago, used to work for me.
Well, when I say that she worked for me, what I mean is that she was a member of staff of the office of which I was the head. Alex was a junior officer in the RAF and I was the civilian Head of Section. I remember clearly the day that she told me that she was going to enter the RAF Winter Sports Championships in the Skeleton Bobsleigh as it was referred to back then. I told her that she must be mad, especially as she had never taken part in the event before. She won the championship and went on to become World Cup Champion in the event three years running. In addition, she also won a Silver Medal in the World Championships in 2001.
Friday, 19 February 2010
Highlights
Don't get too excited. It was just that I decided that I needed to do something to try to lift my spirits a little. So I rang the hairdresser's this morning and managed to get an appointment to get some highlights put in my hair. I needed something to help to disguise some of the grey.
Unfortunately is hasn't helped much. I'm still feeling desperately low and wondering whether things will ever get better. I am still finding it difficult to focus on anything for more than about five minutes at a time and I haven't even been able to manage to read a book for a couple of weeks now.
In my few rational moments I know that things will get better, but it still doesn't help much. I just wish that the horrible thoughts would go away and that I could be normal again. But I haven't been normal for more than 11 years now and I think that I have forgotten what it is like. Would I even be able to recognise it if it were to happen? I wonder.
Unfortunately is hasn't helped much. I'm still feeling desperately low and wondering whether things will ever get better. I am still finding it difficult to focus on anything for more than about five minutes at a time and I haven't even been able to manage to read a book for a couple of weeks now.
In my few rational moments I know that things will get better, but it still doesn't help much. I just wish that the horrible thoughts would go away and that I could be normal again. But I haven't been normal for more than 11 years now and I think that I have forgotten what it is like. Would I even be able to recognise it if it were to happen? I wonder.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Grey And Miserable
I'm feeling like the weather today. Grey and miserable.
I had to go to see my GP yesterday. I have something that is not talked about in polite society and things were so painful that I couldn't even sit down on the sofa which is nice and soft. He gave me a prescription for pain killers, anti-inflammatories, and some cream for the problem. There was supposed to be some antibiotics too but he forgot to add them to the prescription so I had to go back to the surgery this morning to get a prescription for them. There was also a referral to the hospital so I shall be seeing them in a few weeks time.
Teddy progressed a bit more yesterday with his body parts being completed. I also started the back of his head. I don't feel like knitting at the moment so progress has slowed but as he isn't needed immediately that isn't a problem. He will be ready in plenty of time. This morning the postman brought me two books that I had ordered from Amazon. they are both knitting books, one has patterns for 15 wild animals, and the other has knitted pirates, princesses, witches, wizards and fairies. Some of the patterns in the second book are fabulous and I really want to have a go at a couple of them. The dolls are knitted to a basic pattern and then their character is changed by the addition of hair, features, and the most wonderful clothes. There are a couple of patterns in the book that I am sure any little girl would be pleased to receive (and one or two bigger ones too).
I had to go to see my GP yesterday. I have something that is not talked about in polite society and things were so painful that I couldn't even sit down on the sofa which is nice and soft. He gave me a prescription for pain killers, anti-inflammatories, and some cream for the problem. There was supposed to be some antibiotics too but he forgot to add them to the prescription so I had to go back to the surgery this morning to get a prescription for them. There was also a referral to the hospital so I shall be seeing them in a few weeks time.
Teddy progressed a bit more yesterday with his body parts being completed. I also started the back of his head. I don't feel like knitting at the moment so progress has slowed but as he isn't needed immediately that isn't a problem. He will be ready in plenty of time. This morning the postman brought me two books that I had ordered from Amazon. they are both knitting books, one has patterns for 15 wild animals, and the other has knitted pirates, princesses, witches, wizards and fairies. Some of the patterns in the second book are fabulous and I really want to have a go at a couple of them. The dolls are knitted to a basic pattern and then their character is changed by the addition of hair, features, and the most wonderful clothes. There are a couple of patterns in the book that I am sure any little girl would be pleased to receive (and one or two bigger ones too).
When We Were Young
I am a great fan of BBC iPlayer. It allows me to watch programmes that I may have missed or that I have enjoyed and want to watch again. Why would I want to watch something again so soon after it has been broadcast? Well, sometimes it's because I have been knitting while watching it and sometimes, particularly at the moment, it's because my concentration is so bad that I don't actually take in what the programme was about.
The channel that I am most likely to want to watch programmes from is BBC4. This channel, which is only available for those who watch in a digital format, has some absolutely wonderful programmes. Much of its output is in the form of documentaries. I like documentaries, probably because I like factual programmes more than those that are more entertainment. particularly when I am well. I have a real interest in science and history and there have been some wonderful programmes that fall into these categories over recent months. Having studied the history of science, the history of medicine, the history of technology and the history of religion, there have been some excellent programmes from the BBC covering these subjects and I am particularly enjoying Light Fantastic at the moment.
However, yesterday I watched a couple of programmes on iPlayer that were more to do with my childhood. The first was Skippy: Australia's First Superstar. I can't say that I was a fan of Skippy when it was shown on television, probably because I was a bit old to be in its target audience, but I have to say that it was interesting to listen to those who worked on the programme talk about how it changed their lives and, of course, the problems that they with the kangaroos that were used in the filming. There were some funny moments, such as being told that the emu had to be given a drink of whiskey before he appeared on the set in order to be a suitable set to stand still. There were also some clips from the series showing many of the unique Australian animals and seeing them brought back memories of the long holiday that my husband and I had there in 1996. We spent five and a half weeks travelling down the east coast from Cairns in the north to Melbourne, via Brisbane and Sydney and many places in between.
The second programme that I watched was the Time Shift programme about Oliver Postgate. I did grow up watching his wonderful little films. I remember Ivor the Engine in black and white (I was a bit old for it when it was made in colour but as it was usually on just before the early evening news I do remember seeing that too). My favourite was always Noggin the Nog. I'm not sure why, it just was. There were others too. The Clangers, those little pink knitted creatures who lived on the Moon, and the Pingwings, a family of knitted penguins, and, of course, Bagpuss, that saggy old cat that Emily loved. Again I was a bit old for Bagpuss, but as with all of Oliver Postgate's films, they tended to be slotted in between programmes and you were likely to catch them as you sat down to watch a programme that you were waiting for.
I think the thing that I remember most about the films was Oliver Postgate's voice. Hearing it again after all these years brought back many memories of childhood and made me realise just how good they were in comparison to the present day programmes for children with their cartoons full of violence and monsters and their associated merchandise that make our children constantly want the latest toys. We may have been much more naive then, but at least we were allowed to be children and to enjoy the simple things that were produced for us without the need for consumerism showing its face.
The channel that I am most likely to want to watch programmes from is BBC4. This channel, which is only available for those who watch in a digital format, has some absolutely wonderful programmes. Much of its output is in the form of documentaries. I like documentaries, probably because I like factual programmes more than those that are more entertainment. particularly when I am well. I have a real interest in science and history and there have been some wonderful programmes that fall into these categories over recent months. Having studied the history of science, the history of medicine, the history of technology and the history of religion, there have been some excellent programmes from the BBC covering these subjects and I am particularly enjoying Light Fantastic at the moment.
However, yesterday I watched a couple of programmes on iPlayer that were more to do with my childhood. The first was Skippy: Australia's First Superstar. I can't say that I was a fan of Skippy when it was shown on television, probably because I was a bit old to be in its target audience, but I have to say that it was interesting to listen to those who worked on the programme talk about how it changed their lives and, of course, the problems that they with the kangaroos that were used in the filming. There were some funny moments, such as being told that the emu had to be given a drink of whiskey before he appeared on the set in order to be a suitable set to stand still. There were also some clips from the series showing many of the unique Australian animals and seeing them brought back memories of the long holiday that my husband and I had there in 1996. We spent five and a half weeks travelling down the east coast from Cairns in the north to Melbourne, via Brisbane and Sydney and many places in between.
The second programme that I watched was the Time Shift programme about Oliver Postgate. I did grow up watching his wonderful little films. I remember Ivor the Engine in black and white (I was a bit old for it when it was made in colour but as it was usually on just before the early evening news I do remember seeing that too). My favourite was always Noggin the Nog. I'm not sure why, it just was. There were others too. The Clangers, those little pink knitted creatures who lived on the Moon, and the Pingwings, a family of knitted penguins, and, of course, Bagpuss, that saggy old cat that Emily loved. Again I was a bit old for Bagpuss, but as with all of Oliver Postgate's films, they tended to be slotted in between programmes and you were likely to catch them as you sat down to watch a programme that you were waiting for.
I think the thing that I remember most about the films was Oliver Postgate's voice. Hearing it again after all these years brought back many memories of childhood and made me realise just how good they were in comparison to the present day programmes for children with their cartoons full of violence and monsters and their associated merchandise that make our children constantly want the latest toys. We may have been much more naive then, but at least we were allowed to be children and to enjoy the simple things that were produced for us without the need for consumerism showing its face.
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
No Longer 'Armless
I started work on the teddy bear yesterday. It is amazing knitting something that is made up from such small pieces. None of them take very long to knit but they can be a bit fiddly. There are 16 pieces to make him; two legs, two soles, two arms, four pieces to make his head, four pieces for his ears. So far I have knitted the legs, the soles and the arms. So Teddy is no longer armless.
To give you some idea of what he is going to look like when he is finished you might want to look here.
To give you some idea of what he is going to look like when he is finished you might want to look here.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
A New Project
The weather today is horrible. The sky has been almost black most of the day, a bit like my mood. I did manage to go out this morning so that I could get some wool to make a teddy bear for a baby that is due in August, and to get some food.
I was fairly lucky because I managed to dodge most of the torrential rain that we have had; the buses seem to have arrived at just the right moment each time. I'm not usually that lucky.
Since I have been back home I have been working on the teddy bear. So far I have knitted one leg with its foot and the sole for the foot. I am now trying to decide whether to sew these two pieces together or to start knitting the little creatures other lower limb.
Strange as it may sound considering that I have been a knitter nearly all my life, I have never knitted any toys before. This little chap will be about 11 inches in height and will be dressed in a nightshirt, nightcap and slippers. He should look quite dapper when completed and for those of you who like to see what I have been making, I will take a photograph of him when he is finished.
I was fairly lucky because I managed to dodge most of the torrential rain that we have had; the buses seem to have arrived at just the right moment each time. I'm not usually that lucky.
Since I have been back home I have been working on the teddy bear. So far I have knitted one leg with its foot and the sole for the foot. I am now trying to decide whether to sew these two pieces together or to start knitting the little creatures other lower limb.
Strange as it may sound considering that I have been a knitter nearly all my life, I have never knitted any toys before. This little chap will be about 11 inches in height and will be dressed in a nightshirt, nightcap and slippers. He should look quite dapper when completed and for those of you who like to see what I have been making, I will take a photograph of him when he is finished.
Monday, 15 February 2010
Revisiting My Lecture
This time last year I was struggling to write a lecture on a patient's perspective of psychotherapy to be delivered on a Master's course at one of London's universities. It took me quite a long time to put the lecture together and was based on posts from this blog and emails between myself and Mr Smiley. The lecture went down very well and I can remember the thrill of receiving a spontaneous round of applause from the audience. Like so much of what has happened in my life during the last 18 months or so, I wrote about the experience on this blog.
I have been asked to deliver the lecture again this year and because of what has happened in the intervening period I feel that it needs updating. In order to do this I had to find out where the lecture script was stored. I have to admit that I had a nasty feeling that I might have to type it all up again, but as luck would have it I have found the relevant file and it has now been transferred onto my new laptop so that I can spend some time working on updating it.
I have quite a bit to add. I have to talk about the termination of my psychotherapy and the terrible effect that it had on me. It is important that these students understand that the way that therapy is terminated is as important as the therapy itself. I will have to mention that I have spent some time in a mental hospital and how, as a result of that hospitalization, I am in therapy again albeit only short-term this time and to deal with slightly different problems.
I have a couple of weeks to do this updating but I know that I am going to find it quite difficult so I will have to start in the next day or two. Trying to do this when I'm really having difficulty doing the simplest things is not the way that I would want to do things, but I know that if I do what I can, when I can, it will get done.
And S has said that he will take me out to lunch afterwards, so I have that to look forward to.
I have been asked to deliver the lecture again this year and because of what has happened in the intervening period I feel that it needs updating. In order to do this I had to find out where the lecture script was stored. I have to admit that I had a nasty feeling that I might have to type it all up again, but as luck would have it I have found the relevant file and it has now been transferred onto my new laptop so that I can spend some time working on updating it.
I have quite a bit to add. I have to talk about the termination of my psychotherapy and the terrible effect that it had on me. It is important that these students understand that the way that therapy is terminated is as important as the therapy itself. I will have to mention that I have spent some time in a mental hospital and how, as a result of that hospitalization, I am in therapy again albeit only short-term this time and to deal with slightly different problems.
I have a couple of weeks to do this updating but I know that I am going to find it quite difficult so I will have to start in the next day or two. Trying to do this when I'm really having difficulty doing the simplest things is not the way that I would want to do things, but I know that if I do what I can, when I can, it will get done.
And S has said that he will take me out to lunch afterwards, so I have that to look forward to.
No Regrets
It seems as though what I wrote in Part 9 of Tackling the Mental Health Minefield has upset a few people. In answer to them, I can only say that this is my blog, and the accounts of my stay in hospital are true. Nothing is made up, in fact some of the things that happened were worse than those that I have written about.
While we probably don't have the institutional ill-treatment of patients that was so common 20 or 40 years ago, there is still a problem that so many of the people, that is to say the nurses, who should be helping those who are in mental hospitals, whether they be there voluntarily or because they have been sectioned, treat being a mental nurse as just a means of earning money and make no effort to interact with the patients or understand how they are feeling during what is probably a very scary period of their life.
One of the reasons that I began writing the series of posts was so that others could read a first hand account of what is happening in one of our mental hospitals and see that not everything is rosy. I have tried to ensure that no prejudice is apparent in what I write. It is not easy, but I believe that I have been successful in doing this. The discrimination that I saw exhibited while I was in hospital was appalling because it was the nurses who were responsible for it. The fact that a West Indian member of staff would make time for a patient who was of West Indian origin and yet tell a white English girl to go back to her room and stop being a nuisance when all she wanted was a clean towel was a classic example of the kind of discrimination that I saw.
So, if anyone was upset by what was said in the post, then I am afraid that is your problem. Me, I have no regrets about what I wrote and will continue to write in the same way that I always have. Truthfully, and with no holds barred.
While we probably don't have the institutional ill-treatment of patients that was so common 20 or 40 years ago, there is still a problem that so many of the people, that is to say the nurses, who should be helping those who are in mental hospitals, whether they be there voluntarily or because they have been sectioned, treat being a mental nurse as just a means of earning money and make no effort to interact with the patients or understand how they are feeling during what is probably a very scary period of their life.
One of the reasons that I began writing the series of posts was so that others could read a first hand account of what is happening in one of our mental hospitals and see that not everything is rosy. I have tried to ensure that no prejudice is apparent in what I write. It is not easy, but I believe that I have been successful in doing this. The discrimination that I saw exhibited while I was in hospital was appalling because it was the nurses who were responsible for it. The fact that a West Indian member of staff would make time for a patient who was of West Indian origin and yet tell a white English girl to go back to her room and stop being a nuisance when all she wanted was a clean towel was a classic example of the kind of discrimination that I saw.
So, if anyone was upset by what was said in the post, then I am afraid that is your problem. Me, I have no regrets about what I wrote and will continue to write in the same way that I always have. Truthfully, and with no holds barred.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)